Positive Press on Home birth!

A friend of mine emailed me last week a query for HARO-Help A Reporter Out. The reporter was writing a story on home birth and looking for people to interview. I responded and said I would be happy to share my story. Today the article ran in the New York Times! "Demand Growing for Giving Birth at Home" by Roni Caryn Rabin ran in the Health section.

I spoke to the reporter for about forty minutes last week. Overall I'm pleased with her story but it is interesting rereading it how little details stray a bit from their intention. For example "she narrowly avoided getting a Cesarean section" isn't exactly true. I said that had I had one of the other two doctors in the practice I probably would have ended up with a C-Section because I don't think they would have let me labor as long as the OB that was on call that day did. The OB on call was very aware of my intentions for natural, vaginal, childbirth. We got along very well and she understood my stance on childbirth. The other doctors were not as understanding.

I find the statistic published by The American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology that "babies born at home are three times as likely as those born in a hospital to die before they are four weeks old" astounding.

While I agree that some factors should be taken into consideration before deciding on a home birth or hospital birth I don't think women who are pregnant with twins, have a breech baby, or want to attempt VBAC should be deterred from using a midwife. Midwives are trained to assist women in these situations and many women who have these "risk" can have a successful home birth. As a side note, many women who want to attempt VBAC are discouraged by their OBGYNs to do so and it is the midwife who opens her arms to these women.

The one thing I wish the reporter would have shared in her article is the simple need for women to better educate ourselves on pregnancy and labor options. I don't care which route you go- hospital or home birth- epidural or natural- vaginal or c-section we just need to be more responsible for EDUCATING ourselves on the process. We will research a product we want to purchase or a location for a vacation we want to take until we are blue in the face but when in comes to OUR BODIES, OUR CHILDREN we assume that doctor knows best and don't take this journey into our own hands! We need to steer this ship, not be mere passengers aboard for the ride.

Birth

You would think that 10 weeks after giving birth to Emma I would be over it. On to other things like her cute giggles, smiles, interactions between her and her big sister. But I'm not. I think about her birth nearly everyday. The contractions, the one fleeting moment of doubt, the warmth of the water in the birth pool, feeling her crown and the "ring of fire" and then her alive, alert, tiny body on my chest. I don't just think about her birth, I fantasize about it.

I fantasize about my next birth. My next pregnancy. The next time I will be able to feel that deeply intimate connection between me and my baby when they pass into this outer world.

When I had Sophia I remember saying and thinking the rest of our kids would be adopted because I wasn't going through that again-and I didn't really have that difficult labor and delivery. But now to know what a truly powerful birth can be like is a complete mind shift. I feel more empowered as a mother, a woman, a bearer of children than I ever could have thought possible.

But before you think I've really lost my marbles I can assure you we won't be trying to get pregnant for a few more years. We are enjoying being parents of a toddler and a squishy and adorable infant. For a few more years I will live vicariously through many friends that currently expecting. But I do want to share this poem to all mothers-regardless if they are newly pregnant, on the verge of welcoming their little one, or are done having babies. The message is unmistakable.

I found this on the Empowering Birth Blog.

Invitation to Birthing From Within Mothers

With thanks to Oriah Mountain Dreamer for inspiration

It doesn't interest me how many prenatal books you've read,

I want to know if you hear your child whisper to you

when you lie awake at night.

It doesn't interest me who you are

or where you came from,

I want to know if your authentic mother warrior will awaken

when you birth your baby with all that you have.

It doesn't interest me if you have a birth plan

or where you plan to give birth.

I want to know that you will meet your birth

with an open mind and open heart.

I want to know if you can fully embrace the path

you must journey

to birth yourself as a mother.

It doesn’t interest me if you birth in silence

or as a lioness roars.

I want to know if you are willing to do

whatever it takes to birth your baby,

regardless of how you look,

how you sound,

or what others may think.

I want to know if you are willing to journey

to your depths and through the unknown.

It doesn't interest me how many stitches you get,

I want to know how you are moving in your body.

I want to know if you can take each movement

of your achy dripping body

and know that it has done a marvelous, miraculous thing.

It doesn't matter to me how you feed your baby.

I want to know if you are willing

to nurture your baby

from the depths of your soul and with

unconditional love.

I want to know if in the dark of night,

you can raise your tired bones and weary spirit

and do what needs to be done to care for your children

I want to know if you are willing to give up

your judges and ideals of a perfect parent

and surrender to your heart

and belly

to love your baby until you ache.

This work was compiled and edited by Juji Woodring with contributions from Alejandrina in AZ, Lia from South Africa, Alisa from Texas, Charlene, and Tamara D.

Emma's Birth Story (Part 3-Compare and Contrast)

Now that I have experienced both a hospital birth and a home birth I have done a lot of comparing and contrasting the two births.

I don't begrudge the way Sophia was brought into this world at all. It was what we felt was right for us at the time. We lucked out with our OB and she understood that I desired a natural birth and helped maintain that as much as possible.

There are a few main things that made the home birth such an amazing experience.

First of all just being in the comfort of my own home, in my pajamas, on my bed, with my family around helped to maintain a calm and loving atmosphere. I loved not having to put on that dumb hospital gown!

Secondly, I was able to eat and drink as I saw fit. I had coffee and a bagel the morning I went into labor. Not knowing if it was real labor at first and not knowing how long it was going to last it was nice to be able to eat and drink. I also had a Popsicle mid way through the labor. Yum!

Thirdly, after delivering I felt great. If you look back at the photo of me in the tub moments after delivery you will see how alert and awake I am. Not only do I think the water birth contributed to that but also the low stress of being at home helped to keep my energy level up. This also has to do with the very quick labor I had with Emma compared to the full 22 hours with Sophia.

Fourth, I didn't tear hardly at all. Peggy and Kim confirmed that I had a small nick that did not need to be mended. With Sophie, I tore, a lot. It hurt! I attribute the lack of tearing to being able to deliver in the water, control my pushing much better, and being able to adjust my body accordingly to a position that maximized the ease of the delivery rather than convenience of a doctor being able to see what was going on. The lack of tearing has kept me much more comfortable in regards to sitting, walking, getting in and out of bed, hemorrhaging, etc. Because I didn't have complications there I have more energy and want to be up and out of bed more.

With Sophia I wanted to stay in bed and my pajamas for a long time! With Emma I have had the energy to be up and a bit more active. We even took a trip to the grocery store yesterday!

All in all I just feel great. I feel more confident but I'm sure that has a lot to do with this being our second go around at being new parents. Emma is for the most part a very calm baby. She was very alert upon birth and has been very mellow and relaxed since then.

My biggest hope for anyone reading this is to just educate themselves and realize there are more options out there than we initially think. Having a baby is a NATURAL process but we allow ourselves to get trapped and blindsided by the medical community thinking they know best. A hospital birth can be a wonderful, rewarding experience. But there are other options. Regardless of which option a woman chooses I just wish more would look at the possibilities of home birth, water birth, using a birth center, VBAC, etc. My only regret with Sophia's birth is that I didn't follow my gut and use a midwife and do a home birth for her too.

For more information about midwifery and home birth check out my midwives' website.

Still waiting...

I guess I was just born to incubate. It must be warm and cozy in there. It's two days past my due date.

I'm not really fretting that much it's just that I feel like I should be at work. I opted to just go ahead and start maternity leave yesterday. I figured being calm and relaxed and not stuck in the terrible traffic on I-66 would be better than being an hour or more away if and when my water breaks!

A friend's mom, a nurse, calculates due date differently. Date of last period, count back three months, add 7 days. So that puts my due date at March 9. Tomorrow. I can deal with that...but I'd like her to be born then too. I'm ready to meet her!

I've had chicken Parmesan, black licorice, acupressure, spicy food. We'll see what happens.

Birth Tub

We have the birth tub set up in anticipation of labor. As Sophie says "that's a cool birth tub mom." Thanks, Soph, you're opinion on such matters is important!

It is set up but not full yet. We had to rig up an adapter for the shower head and when the time comes will run a garden hose from the shower to the tub. The tub gets filled with warm water and has a heater built in to maintain the heat.

My favorite item that comes with the tub is a small fish net, like you'd use in an aquarium. I'll let you guess what that is used for.

I did ask the midwife what the two drinking straws are for in the birth kit. I was hoping they were for something cool like an emergency tracheotomy but...wait for it...they are for drinking! The midwives encourage drinking while in labor! (Something they don't allow you to do while in labor in the hospital.)

Sooner or Later

I have been teeter tottering between if this baby is coming soon or not. Some moments I feel she will let me know she's ready to come out at any moment and the next minute I think she is going to incubate as long as she can.

I have kidded with coworkers that I'll be at work on March 7 (day after "due date) and also joked that Emma is fully aware of Sophie's tantrums of late and not coming out until she settles down!

Last night I was uncomfortable, hot, sweaty, upset stomach. I labored into bed and turning over is like an Olympic event. I think I've picked Sophie up one too many times the past few days because I feel like my abdominal muscles are stretched out and I've done too many sit ups (which is most definitely not the case!)

No tell tale signs of labor have presented themselves. So I'm just impatiently waiting at this point. The only thing that is indicative of her arrival is my nesting instinct. We still have a lot on the "to-do" list and I think Phillip is a little worried I'm going to have him running around like crazy tonight getting last minute things in order.

Here is what I'm looking like at 39weeks, 3 days.

It's hard to tell what I look this time around compared to when I was pregnant with Sophia. You be the judge!

Birth Box

I'm 36 weeks today. Some women are packing their hospital bags at this point in the pregnancy, I am packing up my birth box.

The box contains my birth kit-interesting items like 2 drinking straws, those sexy mesh undies they make you wear with the ice packs inside, the mucous sucker outter thingie, a measuring tape, gloves, "chucks" or piddle pad type things, and a bunch of other items. All that came from the birth supply company. I just went on a home scavenger hunt for the other items.

Hydrogen peroxide
Rubbing Alcohol
3 gallon size zip lock bags
A roll of toilet paper
A roll of paper towels
A box of kleenex
Trash bags
A cookie sheet
A crock pot
Ammonia (cleans muconium out of clothing!)
Extra sheets
Towels and washclothes

Some of the items I need to buy or borrow.
Heating pad
Fan
Space heater (the room has to remain at 70-75 degrees for a while after the baby is born to keep her warm enough. I don't think Phillip is going to be able to sleep in the room with us! We currently have the house set at 67 and usually have the fan on and a window cracked!)

My birth tub is ordered and I'll pick it up in two weeks.

I have a home visit with my midwife this Friday.

Little by little everything is coming together and we are getting closer to having a family of four!

Logistics

I am 34 weeks pregnant today. As we approach "due date" more and more people have inquired about the birth of our daughter. To those who don't know I'm planning a home birth in the water they are surprised and inquisitive, for the people who already know of this plan they just have questions about the hows, whys and wheres. So here are some of the details.

I am planning a home birth in the water. My midwife will start seeing me at home at week 36.

Supplies: I ordered a birth kit online through my midwife. It includes the "piddle pads" used at the hospital, that blue mucous suker outtie thing, a paper measuring tape, the ohhh so sexy mesh underwear, a cord clamp and my favorite items 2 bendy straws (I don't think I want to know what those are for!) and a bunch of other items that the midwife includes in her personalized kit. It arrived last week and waiting to join the rest of the supplies.

Can I use my bathtub? Well I could, it's deep enough but not wide enough and the bathroom as a whole isn't big enough to accommodate Phillip, me, the midwife and birth assistant. So we are renting a tub. You can buy what are essentially kiddie pools but they can't take hot water. The next step up are more durable kiddie pools that you can put hot water in and cover with a sleeping bag or quilt until ready to use to maintain the water temperature. We have chosen to go with the next higher grade tub that plugs in and has a heater to keep the water warm. It is 5' in diameter, 24" high and rents for $250.

Where is the hospital? In case of the need to be transferred the hospital is literally around the corner. I clocked it on the way home tonight and it is 1/2 a mile from our driveway. The firehouse is across the street. I'm not worried about needing their services or being caught in a precarious situation that hampers us from getting there quickly.

Where will Sophia be during all of this? I have no problem with Sophie witnessing this miracle of birth, Phillip is a bit more hesitant. So our rough plan is that if I am in labor during daycare hours she'll be there. If it's the middle of the night, we'll let her sleep. If it is a weekend she can hopefully play with the neighbor's kids for a bit or my mom, sister, or good friend can occupy her or take her somewhere else for a bit. The midwife suggested if she is around while I'm in labor and she is okay with it, not stressed, not causing me stress let it ride. Some kids get freaked out, some kids are cool with it. We'll just play it by ear.

Won't she hear you? I confirmed with Phillip that when giving birth to Sophie, I never screamed or moaned in agony. I think this time around may be even less vocal. We'll see.

Where will Dolly (the beagle) be during all of this? Probably where she is most all of the time, day or night. Asleep, on the couch.

Do you actually give birth to the baby in the water? Yes, if I want. The water is great for labor-it's relaxing, calming, and can help ease some of the pain associated with labor. Additionally, you can actually birth the baby directly into the water. Since the baby is still breathing via umbilical cord it doesn't need the air right away to breathe. So you can let the baby gently come through the water and then out of the water before it will take it's first breath.

What questions do you have about home birth or water birth?

Yup, I'm a mom...

Tonight Phillip and I went Christmas shopping. We left the house at 9pm! It was one of the smartest decisions I've ever made. Easy parking spots, stores that are open late, not a lot of people, and no lines at the check out. First stop, Macy's.

I was Christmas shopping...for myself ;) I needed a new brassiere in a bad way. Due to the baby in utero my "milk makers" have grown at an astounding rate. And for anyone who knows me personally, this kinda astounds me. Well I went in to get measured because I had actual shopping to do and didn't want to mess around. I just needed a bigger bra to get me through the next three months when I'll switch over to the oh so sexy nursing bras.

I told the clerk why I needed to get measured, what I was looking for and quipped "I think I'm even bigger this time around than when I was pregnant the first time." As I took off my sweatshirt and started taking off my sweater she casually asked-Is your first kid about 2 or 3?

Why yes, she is. How did she know.

The clerk then nicely pointed out "because you have stickers all over your shirt." That's right, I had four smiley face stickers across the top of my sweater and one about my belly button on the baby bump for good measure.

Yup, I'm a mom.

Pregnancy Tidbits

I'm 28 1/2 weeks pregnant and feeling great. My sciatica has eased off a bit which is quite a relief.
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My feet have grown and this annoys me. I now wear a size 10, up from a 9 1/2. I wonder if they will shrink after the birth.
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I have an appointment with a midwife tomorrow and could not be more excited. I really wanted to use a midwife and do home birth with Sophia but there were a lot of factors that ultimately led us to sticking with our OB and having Sophie in the hospital.

I'm looking forward to having this baby in the water, at home, and recuperating in my own bed. The only thing I might miss from the hospital is the food. They had really good food. But my mom will be in town so I think I'll be fine. As long as she makes more rice krispie treats for me to eat post delivery!

What are you doing in there?!?

I would love to have an ultrasound machine at my disposal at all times. This kiddo in utero does more maneuvering than someone trying to do a three point turn. She is sitting very low and flips and flops all morning. I sit far out from my desk just like I ate my third Thanksgiving meal!

I don't recall Sophia being quite this active. It is so weird to feel her moving around a lot of times I can't sit up straight because it feels like I'm not giving her enough room to move!

Sophia has only felt the baby move once and didn't seem too impressed. Now that I'm at the point where you can see the baby move perhaps she'll be more interested in her baby sister.

Best Friends helping a pregnant lady out

I received the best email the other day.

I believe I was queried in an email string with my best girlfriends about how I was feeling, if I'm anxious about delivery, how things are coming along preparing for baby #2, etc. I'm lucky having a girl in March since Sophie was born in April-I really don't need a lot of "stuff." All the clothes will be the right size/right season, the gear is still in good shape, and hand-me-downs and sharing will be the wave of the future for baby Emma. All we really need is a crib and new diapers! I want a glider and nursing stool (footrest really) for breastfeeding more comfortably this time around. The only challenge to this is organizing the closet and dresser and sifting through countless vacuum storage bags to find the 0-3, 3-6, 6-9 month clothing.

In January my girls are heading east to DC for our annual Diva Weekend since I'm on the no fly list in the third trimester. We are secluding ourselves in a hotel room, wining, dining, and being girls for three days. Doing anything baby related was the furthest thing from my mind. Until I received this email:

To Twobraids:

We, the undersigned, submit a proposal to you for review regarding the
weekend in January when we come to visit.

We, your fellow Bobcats, Divas, and General Goofballs, propose to come
to your residence and empty the contents of Baby Closet, clean and
sanitize the assorted Baby Toys That Got Put In Sophie's Mouth, sort
the diapers, clothes, and other surprises contained within the
structure, and embark on a journey to make a lovely pregnant woman and
fabulous mommy less stressed.

We further have agreed to re-establish organization within said
closet, taking care to label and package everything in a way that
suits Twobraids, a.k.a. ask Momma, Wife, Nurse, Friend, Goddess.

Your prompt reply is most appreciated.

Sincerely
B-P-Mc-R Inc., LLC., etc.

This is the greatest second baby gift ever! I don't think the girls know what they are getting themselves into, but they'll find out soon enough!

Boy did I get that wrong...

We had our 20 week sonogram yesterday. Friends and co-workers have seemed to be hyper with anxiety about when we would find out the sex of our second born. I think I've been asked more "when are you finding out?" than "when are you due?"

From the moment the home pregnancy test indicated we were pregnant I have thought we were going to have a boy. People speculated based on my bump it was going to be a boy. The heart rate has consistently been in the 140's sometimes indicating a boy and I haven't craved sweets nearly like I did with Sophia.

So finally the ultrasound tech finishes all the necessary measurements and gets the baby to move in such a position that we can determine "pink" or "blue." My woman's intuition and "mommy radar" were way off...well 50% off any ways.

We are having another GIRL!

The first thing I said to Phillip was that we needed to start saving for another wedding! But in the meantime we would be saving a lot of money- I certainly don't have to buy any clothes! And because Sophie was a spring baby the "season" of the clothing is pretty much spot on. We of course will make up for the savings now when we have two girls in high school at the same time needing new fall looks, homecoming and prom dresses, new shoes, new purses.....

Now we just need to think of a name!

The Whirlwind

The past few weeks have been such a whirlwind. Let's recap:
Gallbladder attack June 18
6th wedding anniversary June 26
Pregnant July 4
Husband out of town and a concert July 10
Vacation July 14-23
Move July 31/Aug. 1
Mom in town helping for 10 days
Unpacking, doctors appointments and a friend in town.

Fill in work, commuting, regular family duties and tell me when I have down time. I can't figure out if I'm exhausted from go, go, going or the pregnancy.
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This time around I have felt nauseous and dizzy on a regular basis. You can bet at 9am and 6pm I'm not feeling well. Luckily I don't throw up but I am amazed at women who deal with this for all 40 weeks all day!

I haven't taken "bump" pictures each week like I did with Sophie and that makes me a little sad but I still have 30 weeks to hop on that bandwagon.
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I had an ultrasound last week and everything appears to be going well. Our little squirt waved at us and had a heartbeat of 160bpm. Sophie is still clueless. Ignorance is bliss!
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Sophie is doing great. She has taken to changing outfits multiple times a day and seems to prefer "comfy pants" like her mom. PJs often get swapped out for regular play clothes during the day. She also loves to wear her and my winter hats and a tutu that came with a pair of jammies with any outfit!
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Her vocabulary has expanded 10 fold in the past few months. Here is a sampling:
Yes, please.
Pakistan.
I coming! (usually said as I enter the bathroom.)
Read books.
Sophie help.
and mimicking me "Thank you honey."

She is mostly sweet with a two year old tantrum here and there.

Plans

"The best laid plans of mice and men often go astray." -Robert Burns
"If you want to make God laugh tell him your plans."
"A journey is a person in itself; no two are alike. And all plans, safeguards, policing, and coercion are fruitless. We find that after years of struggle that we do not take a trip; a trip takes us."-John Steinbeck

I'm sure I could find a million quotes about plans, planning, and plans that go vastly different from how WE plan our day or our life. Which ever one I choose to sum up this feeling of "nothing going as we planned" would be the perfect quote. Because really, nothing ever does happen exactly as we plan.

On my wedding day (which for most women we plan to a meticulous T) the priest forgot that a friend of mine was going to sing during communion. There she stood ready to belt out "All the Beauty of the Earth" and then not a note.

We were trying to buy a house this year but a multitude of factors stood in our way and here we are renting again.

And imagine my surprise on the morning of July 4, when Phillip woke me up and I casually told him "I'm going to pee on a stick. I haven't gotten my period yet." With about as much excitement as "I'm going to go buy a gallon of milk." I assumed I was late because of stress of finding a new place to live, anticipating gall bladder surgery in a few weeks. So imagine my extreme surprise when the blinking timer on the digital pregnancy test suddenly flashed to "pregnant."

June was the one month we hadn't been actively pursuing pregnancy. January-May we tried, I charted my temperatures, I prayed to become pregnant. And each month I was disappointed by the arrival of my period or a negative pregnancy test. In June we didn't stop trying but I let my guard down. I stopped charting mid-month. Stopped obsessing about it. Stopped thinking of what I was doing right or wrong and stopped trying. Well surprise, surprise.

My first thought wasn't excitement though. I cried, scared to death because a few weeks prior I went to the emergency room for extreme stomach pain and learned I have gall stones. They doped me up with dilaudid, a heavy duty pain medication. Then I had several rounds of antibiotics, a prescription for pain medication in case of another attack and I didn't eat for 28 hours. When then asked me in the hospital if I was or could possibly be pregnant I brushed it off with a nonchalant "I don't think so."

Next was shock. I really couldn't believe it. Since my miscarriage in October 2009 I've been a bit freaked out that I would have problems getting pregnant. Irrational, I know, but I also know more friends that are dealing with IF and it scares me.

I am eager to call my OB tomorrow and the Dr. who is scheduled to remove my gall bladder. I want to make sure my casual response in the hospital didn't harm the baby inside me. Then I'm eager to call my parents and siblings!

Now, it is 5 weeks later. I'm 10 weeks along....

Random

I'm sick and tired of buying diapers. I hate spending money on them. I hate putting the box in the cart. I hate throwing them out. We've wobbled back and forth between disposable and our Bum Genius cloth diapers but to make the BGs work okay I have to stuff them with two inserts. It makes for a thick diaper but Sophie doesn't mind. But she is at the top of the weight limit for the BGs and they still leak even with two inserts. Not happy.
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Potty training. She needs to get with the program. I wonder if I bought a potty training seat insert if she would be more interested in trying to use the potty. We have a potty like this (no lid) and she sits on it for one second at a time and then congratulates herself. I don't think so kid.
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Hair cut? I go through phases with my hair. Short, long, Locks of Love, short, long, short, I want a wig. Sophie's hair is a hot mess. It is super nappy after a long nights sleep or even a nap. Has taken forever (okay, two years) to get to the "length" it is now, and the disheveled mess makes me want to trim it up a bit. I was going to do this in the tub tonight (even ready to call my niece who is a hair dresser for pointers) but my husband talked me out of it. "You always want to cut it, cut it (talking about my own hair) and remember when you got mad at your mom for cutting your hair short in the second grade?" He begged and pleaded for me to leave it alone. I did.
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Sophie likes to look at my breasts. I often wear v-neck shirts so access is easy. She pulls the shirt away from my body, looks in, and says "booboo" "my booboo" "mine." We'll I guess they were yours for eight months but now they are all mine sister. Do your kids (especially if they were breastfed) still like to look at your ta-tas? I may have to start wearing a turtleneck.
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Babies. A good friend and my cousin are both with child. It's a bittersweet time in my heart. I was pregnant right along with them back in late September/early October. My work friend came to me, closed the door, sat down. I looked at her and said she must be quitting or she's pregnant. My cousin and I spoke on the phone and shared our secrets with each other like we kids in pigtails again. We were finally going to be pregnant together! (She has two girls already and we made a pact at our weddings {which were two weeks apart} to be pregnant together, some pact;) My cousin had her baby, a boy, today. And my friend will hopefully go into labor any day now. She did eat a lot of pineapple at lunch! My heart swells with emotion. A twinge of sadness for me and my husband knowing that we too should have been rounding out the third trimester now but also happiness and excitement for these two boys entering the world. I can't wait to squish the tiny ones (gently, of course.)

Manners

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use. ~Emily Post

Phillip and I have been talking about having another kiddo. For most couples deciding on when to start trying to get pregnant and how close or apart to have kids is always a conversation that requires some finesse. If I had it my way I would have each kid two years apart and I'd like to have about four of 'em! But sometimes our bodies, our God, and our pocketbooks have other plans.

To feed my baby craze I have recently found myself lurking and occasionally posting on the baby website TheBump.com. The parent site of The Bump is The Knot. They suck women into their dark and twisty place when we are so bedazzled by our engagement rings we are too awestruck to realize what's happening. You start on The Knot, get hitched and head to The Nest, and then get knocked up and head to The Bump.

Each of the websites feature a "community" section with a large variety of message boards were you can chat about anything. On The Bump the chatter ranges from dinner, gay/lesbian parenting, infertility issues, toddlers, eco-parenting, trying to get pregnant, etc. etc. etc. The point of the forums is to have a place to talk and connect with other women like you-women with the same issues, challenges, fears, disappointments, and successes. It is a place to be heard and share your story. When I was pregnant for the first time I too turned to the community forums. If you are smart you take others advice with a grain of salt but generally the conversation was helpful and supportive. I don't know what has changed in two years but the women I've encountered on there recently are just plain bitches.

For example a woman posted on there today about coming off birth control, not getting her period, negative home pregnancy tests, seeing her dr., getting prescribed a drug to kick start her cycle, and then testing positive for pregnancy today. She was taken aback by the positive test and the unfolding of her cycle. She was excited about what was happening. Then come the comments on the forum. "You should be posting on 1st Tri though, the women here are still TTC." and "No offense, but I don't think you really know how your body works." Jeez louise! So snarky. The newly pregnant lady just found out she was pregnant and wanted to share her story. She doesn't need people biting her head off because she was confused about her cycle. And this example was very tame compared to some of the drama you can witness on there!

I think I'm going to have to deactivate my account. The world doesn't need anymore rude people and they are festering on The Bump.