Tantrums Vol. 2

We went to the doctor yesterday to try and gain some insight on the tantrums and Sophie's overall health. In addition to her not urinating as frequently as she should she is also very irregular with her bowel movements. Last Friday she was "crapping up the back" and now hasn't had a movement all week. She has had this issue for nearly a year. I think it could contribute to her overall disposition.

The doctor listened to us describe the fits and tantrums and also inquired how we deal with it. I admit I'm the weakling. I would often rather give in to make it stop than stand down to teach her the lesson. I don't always do this but I know that I'm the weak link.

She encouraged continuing some of our current practices-taking toys/favorite things away, putting her in time out in a graduated way (minutes/age or offense) and something that works well with her step-kids...putting them in the shower fully clothed! Her husband uses this tactic with their 7 year old. It totally changes their frame of mind from the bad behavior to "I'm getting wet, and I have all my clothes on." I don't feel quiet comfortable doing this with Sophie just yet. Another suggestion was once a tantrum starts to divert her attention to something else. Helping with something or another activity that will calm her down.

We also had blood drawn to test for lead. We are renting an older home and if you look at all the symptoms differently -not eating regularly, the potty issues, tantrums, etc...it could be a possibility. Yeah! Needles in a 2.5 year old's arm. Not fun. But she actually was a champ.

So we took her back to daycare after the appointment. Gave her and her daycare lady a milkshake. Phillip picked her up after school she was happy and had a good report from daycare. She was pleasant, funny, loving, and cooperative. It was a complete 180 from the previous night and felt good. Then bedtime came.

We read books on the couch and I announced it was time to go to bed. She wanted to sleep on the couch. She wouldn't follow me to her bedroom. We tried the "distraction" method. Phillip came and laid down with her on the couch and was joking with her about squirrels living in his year. They kidded as Phillip pretended to sleep on Sophie and take up all the space on the couch. She calmed down and enjoyed the play. But then really...it was late and time for her to go to bed.

We had to pick her up, screaming and kicking, and bring her to her room. We told her it was time for bed and she wasn't having it. She tried to escape the room. We shut the door and tried to keep her in there but I head stuff falling and didn't want to get hurt. I went back in to try and calm her down. At this point she knocked over her lacrosse sticks, dumped a bin of baby hats and socks waiting for Emma, ripped my glasses off my face and then lay prostrate on the floor on her stomach kicking her legs, flapping her arms and BANGING her head on the hardwood floor. That's when I started crying.

I just grabbed her and hugged. I wouldn't let her go and also pinned her arms down in my grasp so she would stop flailing. After about 15 minutes she calmed down enough to say her prayers and get in bed. She still was protesting having to go to bed (at 9:15 pm!) but she went.

Tantrums

Earlier this week Michelle, of Not Raising Brats, shared with her faithful readers a tantrum of epic proportions that Peanut displayed. She queried her readers to share our toddler's tantrums. I have a "favorite" but then I'm in need of your real advice of how to handle our daily, hourly tantrums that Sophie is throwing. It's not pretty.

The best one yet.

A few weeks ago, post nap, we headed to Target and Lowe's to look for a crib and paint for the girls' room. We generally peruse the toy aisles to look at and touch all the mechanical toys in their plastic display boxes. I was scoping out cribs while Phillip and Sophie looked at the toys. Next stop was the home storage section. While discussing what types of bins we needed to buy Sophie was asking for some sort of ladybug toy. We told her no, not today. Then she demanded to get out of the cart. I let her out and she continued to ask about the toy. When told no again she started to show out, cry, and get angry. We both tried to "reason" with her, explain that we weren't buying toys today and calm her down. This of course made her irate. If memory serves me right she may have started kicking and screaming and trying to escape my grasp. This elevated. I picked her up and told her she needed to behave or we were going home. I'm pretty sure "No! NO! Go Home!" was bellowed from her tiny mouth. At this point the looks started. This fit was going to be big. Kicking and screaming and yelling I viced her crossways across my chest (mind you I'm 37 weeks pregnant at this time too!) and we go marching towards the exit. This trip is officially over. I'm half a football field ahead of Phillip. We get outside, she is still kicking and screaming, I'm doing everything I can to hold on to her, Crocs go flying off her feet and she is now INVERTED in my arms, head down, nearly ready to fall...onto the concrete. The looks from some Target employees on a smoke break were amusing. I'm sure they were trying to figure out if they should intervene, call DSS, or the cops. Phillip rescued me, grabbed the wailing kid and finished the march to the car. About half way home she simmered down and was her normal, generally delightful self. Holy shit that was some tantrum.

Now the daily tantrums.

For the past few weeks tantrums have turned into a daily event. There are a few things I know:
1. She is a toddler. She is 2 years and 10 months old. Tantrums are part of who she is right now.
2. She has been sick. Stomach flu and strep. Still not back 100%.
3. Her life is about to dramatically change. She's getting a sibling.

Here is what is so frustrating. The tantrums are over everything and nothing. She opened the silverware drawer the other day. We closed it. She had a fit.

Phillip had to pump gas. She wanted to get out of the car. He didn't let her. Screaming the whole time he pumped gas, screamed the whole drive home, refused to come in the house, out of the rain, finally came in the house and laid down kicking and screaming.

This morning she wanted milk. She didn't like the cup I choose. Tantrum.

Last week we went to Michael's. She was happy as could be the drive there. Playing with her sunglasses in the back seat, being silly. Once I went to get her out of her seat she started kicking and screaming. Kicked her juice cup out of the cup holder, kicked my coffee cup out of the holder spilling the sludge out of the cup all over the floorboards. No reason what-so-ever for the fit. Just a tantrum.

And she generally fights us on daily tasks. Getting up, getting dressed, brushing hair and teeth, taking her medicine. She wants to control everything and if she doesn't have it her way she has a fit.

We are so frustrated with these tantrums. They are frustrating for her and frustrating for us. We are at the point where we don't know if we are overreacting to her fits, if this is all normal, or if there is something more going on. It is bound to deteriorate our relationship as husband and wife because we are so stressed by her behavior that trying to deal with it is straining our communication and behavior with one another.

We have a doctor's appointment today to have them help shed light on the situation.

TEMPER TANTRUM

It was like a switch turned on and I can't make any sense of it.

Yesterday, after a two hour commute home, I walked in the house to a husband starting dinner and an adorable toddler who was excited and happy to see me. That's what I needed. Less than ten minutes later, that all changed.

The play by play:
Went to the bathroom. "I come wif you mama." Okay, I can handle that.
Went to the bedroom for my ponytail holder and slippers. Sophie followed.
While sitting on the bed putting on the slippers she noticed Phillip's lip balm and asked if she should bring it to him. I said that would be very nice (regardless if he needed it or not.)
Next thing I hear is a crying kiddo coming back to the bedroom telling me she threw the lip balm in the kitchen. I don't even think Phillip was in the kitchen at the time.

Sophie then goes bizurk! She is crying because she threw the lip balm, I ask her why she is getting so upset and that just made things worse. She is just whaling and screaming and crying for no rational reason. I sit on the bed again to try and talk to her, she yells at me not to sit down. I'm trying to put my hair back and she yells at me not to do that. By now Phillip has come back to see what is going on and try to help. He is met by a Sophie monster who wants nothing to do with him and wants him out of the room.

She was unconsoleable and uncontrolable. And by this point I'm in tears and completely perplexed by her behavior. Phillip sequesters her to her room until she can calm down.

In my head, tantrums are cause and effect. The child doesn't get her way= throws a fit. Phillip kept trying to explain to me that tantrums are a childs way of getting attention. I refuted this because she was GETTING attention. She was with me, helping me, hell, she went potty with me. How much more attention does she need?!?

After two rounds with Phillip in the bedroom and more tears than we can count she finally came out, apologized, brought me a kleenex. And we ate dinner.

I just want an explanation.

Pushing my buttons

How is it that a toddler in their short life knows how to push our buttons? Did they memorize things that drive us crazy while in utero so they would know how to play the game when they arrived?

Last night I'm pretty sure Sophie was thinking to herself "Watch this tall people, I'm going to push mom to the edge."

I had a friend over for dinner. Sophie and I sat on the booth side of the table while Phillip and "Aunt Bec" sat in chairs across from us. Sophie decided sometime before dinner that she didn't want to wear a pull-up, only her princess unders, and no pants. Of course she did...we had company. And to complete the ensemble she had on a pj top.

So while we were eating she refused to sit or kneel at the table. This drives me crazy because she likes to walk the length of the bench instead of eat dinner. While casually standing there she lifted her shirt exposing her "booboos." This made Phillip less than thrilled. He sternly said "Sophie, put your shirt down! You look like white trash." And then what did Sophie choose to repeat? "White trash." I wish you could have heard it!

Sophie continued to test my patience and not sit down. So I tried to be stern and told her to "SIT DOWN! This isn't funny!" What did Sophie say about that? "This isn't funny."

How could you not laugh after that? I was a puddle of tears and laughter. All my tough mommy-ness went flying out the window.

At this point I had enough and told her it was time for her bath. She initially agreed but quickly changed her mind. While naked, wet, and soapy from head to toe she fought me to get out of the tub. Soap or not, she wanted out. I had to hold her in with one arm while scrubbing with the other. The bath couldn't have been more than five minutes. Once I was done, and Phillip had come in for reinforcement, we wrestled her out of the tub only to continue to wail and flail and demand to get BACK IN THE TUB! Really? Is this a test? Did God put you up to this to see how strong we are as parents?

After running rampant naked and wet for a few minutes she demanded to be let back into the bathroom. Phillip hollered at me to stay strong and not give in. I went the easy route and opened the bathroom door. She wanted back in the tub. I put her in, she got her feet soapy from the remaining bubbles, and then immediately wanted out. Really? So I lifted her out and she was disturbed by the soapy feet but generally heading toward calm. Holy moly that is a willful child.

She pushed all the buttons but I think I won. I didn't loose my temper! And you would think this continued into bed time...but it was more like "Don't let the door hit you on the way out ma!"

Can't a mama get a break?

We must be entering the terrible twos around here. And not the terrific twos as my sister called them the other day-you don't hit the terrific twos until you turn 21.

Just when I thought we had the bedtime thing figured out Sophie moved onto the next manic fit in the book-bath time. She used to LOVE bath time. Bubbles, splashing, toys, sticky letters, and "nah nah nah" afterward (just like my gramma used to give my sister and I when we would visit.) But this week it is standing up, not wanting to sit down, full on tears and hysterics and "MAMA, MAMA, MAMA!" as I try to bathe her.

I don't know if it was too many bubbles or the sound of the water but something has changed and bath time went from delightful to devilish.

And to top it off, she tosses in some bedtime fits too.