Starting to sink in...

I think I'm starting to get it. It's not about the money we make or how well we do our job. It's about all that space in between. The "down time."  Are we on our devise? Or are we paying attention to the kids. Really, really paying attention. Are we crossing things off the to do list? Or are we tending to the garden, letting the sun warm us from the outside in? 

The more I feel stuck, the more I way to break free. Unruffled my feathers and fly. 

Figuring it out

We are having some of Phillip's former students over for a cookout tonight and I should be helping to get a few last minute things done. But, the girls are BOTH napping so the work is going to have to wait while I write.

I've spent the last week looking deep inside myself and trying to unlock where my negative energy is coming from and how I'm going to go about fixing it. I know it will be a long journey but I'm on the trail at least. I have started journaling again. Bought a cheap made from recycled paper and sugar cane notebook and a great bright blue pen to write with. You have to have a fun pen! I went grocery shopping today and bought some wholesome organic eggs, milk, strawberries, apples and whole wheat pitas and Wasa. You are what you eat. And I know my stomach is YELLING at me to change my ways.

And I started to pray. I was raised Catholic and self-swapped to Episcopalian when Phillip and I met. We are practicing Episcopalian's and go to church regularly but I always feel distracted there because the kids can't sit still and really listen. So I haven't felt like I've really prayed in a while. Under the beating hot water of the shower while both girls and husband were occupied I found a quiet space that was all mine. I sent a prayer to God.

I'm looking forward to this sort of reinvention of myself. It feels like a challenge and a journey well worth the time and expense.