Blogging again and 642 Things to Write About

Ah, the New Year when everyone busts out their resolutions. I’ve never been big on resolutions but I do have one for 2014. I want to get back to writing and my blog. I feel my command of the English language and the opportunity to paint verbal pictures has waned in the last several years. While at a conference in Monterey, CA this past summer when I had a few hours to slip away for some sightseeing we popped into a little coastal gift shop in Big Sur. I came across the book 642 Things to Write About. The book contains 642 prompts to do some creative writing – from the serious “Write a love letter to the one that got away” to the silly “Boxers or briefs. Discuss” to the thought provoking “Pick one decision you’ve made in your life…How would your life be different now if you’d made a different choice?”

So in my commitment to myself I’m going to pick at least one prompt a week and write. Feel free to comment, edit, and correct my grammar and punctuation. Or give me a new prompt! Enjoy.

How you’re just like your mother

Some women dread being compared to their mother. They want to be the furthest thing from her, look different, think different, know different. But I’m pretty much just like her and totally fine with that. Quirky, funny, loves a good glass of cheap wine, sometimes from a box. People pleasers. Sentimentalists. Hoarders of family memories in the depths of our basements and crawl spaces.

Watching a home video of when I was a child you could hear mom yelling at one of her brood... “Stop that!” Without looking – just listening…I sound just like her yelling at my own girls. Do this, do that, STOP!

Fiercely loyal to her friends I am too. Miles and months separate but once reunited we pick up right were we left off, laughing until we are in stitches or pee our pants, knowing that calories don’t count among best friends and during ‘girls-weekends’, full of inside jokes and things only that circle of friends know.

We also have the same thighs. On a mother-daughter trip to Las Vegas once we had a fellow pool goer take a photo of us – mom and me and my sisters. We sat on the lounge chairs looking like modern day pin-up gals with our legs bent at the knees and big sunglasses. We ALL have the same set of thighs. No amount of running, calf-raises, or barre exercises will change that. They are part of our genes.

We are different people cut from the same cloth. Each beating the same drum but maybe to a slightly different tune. Her’s is broadway mine is pop or country. But when you look closely and listen, I am my mother.

One Year

We are five days shy if one year! One year as a family of four. One year with two girls. One year with two sisters. One year of sleepless nights. One year of twice the joy and love and laughter and hugs.

Emma finally got teeth between months 10 and 11. She learned how to pull herself up to standing while watching Sophia take a bath. She still butt scoots around the house at lightening speed. I can only imagine how fast she will be when she walks unassisted. She slept through the night, finally, last Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday but up at least once Saturday and sunday- there is a learning curve I guess.

Emma tipped the scales yesterday at 19.8 pounds and 28 inches tall. She is my skinny mini. This year will bring a new batch of milestones and I'm sure a tantrum or two. Hopefully Sophie will be working those out of her system.

We have another year to watch our little girls grow. The year ahead for more bumps and bruises, more sleepless nights, more learning, and certainly more laughs, more hugs and more sloppy kisses. I can't wait.

Kidstuff

It's no secret that I love kids, babies, mamas and all the "stuff" that goes with them. As I continue to figure out how to get on the path to working in the maternal/baby healthcare world I will just keep on moving forward and let all the pieces fall together. In the mean time it makes me proud and happy when other mamas, friends, friends of friends, and expectant mothers I know ask me my opinion on baby/kid stuff. Here are a few of my favorite things, new and old. (I'm not getting paid by any of the companies below to talk about their products! They are just products and companies I use and love!)

Moby Wrap- This 7 yards of fabric has been a life saver. It allows you to hold baby close and snuggle but still gives you the benefit of being hands free! I especially love it in the first few months so you can wear baby and not have strangers all touchy feely when you are out and about. When preparing for a shopping trip I usually put the Moby on then get in the car so it is one last thing to deal with at your destination. And baby usually sleeps like a rock when all Mobyied up.

Ergo- Another great carrier. Is is comfortable and won't fatigue your back like some of the other carriers on the market. You can front or rear carry and even side carry and it is good up to 40 lbs! I carried 35lb Sophia (at the time) last summer in the Ergo on my back and pushed Emma in the stroller while we were on vacation. Sophia loved it because she didn't have to walk and felt like she had some special attention!

Bum Genius Diapers- I have used these cloth diapers since Sophia was a baby. I prefer the All-In-One diapers that allow you to expand them as the kiddo grows! I'm now using them on Emma. We have about 18 Bum Genius Diapers in our stash. Talk about a money saving option! The diaper seem expensive at first but considering I've used them through two kids it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see the cost savings. I have replaced the velcro and leg elastics once. (Thanks Mom!) I need to redo the velcros again. That is my only negative about the "Aplix" style diapers. The Aplix or Velcro does get worn out and needs to be replaced. I'm learning that snap closures are better.

FuzziBunz- I only have one of these diapers but I plan on buying more. They are an adjustable pocket diaper with snap closures. They are a very trim fitting diaper. Adjustable waist and leg elastic make them easy to fit at any stage.

Rockin' Green Detergent- This stuff literally ROCKS! It is affordable, gets diapers super clean, smells great, natural, and fights urine/poop oder in your diapers. I've read a lot of reviews that people like it so much they have started using it for regular wash-not just diapers. I bought 2 bags on Black Friday in an online deal and still have 1/4 of the first bag to use. I use it mainly for my diapers and do the diapers every other day! It's about $.31/wash.

CJs BUTTer- Diaper cream that is cloth diaper safe! It comes in a variety of scents, comes in a stick so you don't have greasy/messy hands, and comes in a travel size for the diaper bag. Works great on diaper rash but also good for minor cuts and scrapes. I buy mine at Abby's Lane- they are local if you are in Maryland, DC, Virginia but also have an outstanding online store.

NoseFrida- This thing is bizarre. When I told my mom and mother-in-law about it they both threw up in their mouths a little bit. But it works! Affectionately called the "snot sucker" it is a straw tube contraption that allows you to literally SUCK the snot out of your kids' noses! It sounds disgusting but really works. It is much more effective and efficient than the blue bulb sucker thing they give you when the baby is born. You control the suction and can remove more snot than the bulb. Abby's Lane also sells these on their site.

So there are a few of my favorite can't live with out baby/kid things.

Another great thing for mom's wanting to try cloth diapers- check out Jillian's Drawers try cloth program. You can buy a sampling of a variety of diapers- different closures, fit, inserts, materials. See what works for you and your little one. What you don't want you can return and what works you can keep. Everything is explained on the site. It's a great way to learn first hand about the different types of diapers available!

Sick of being Sick!

I think it is time to fumigate our house and rid of all germs. January has been nothing but one long revolving cold for our family.

Sophia came home from school on January 6 with a runny nose and a cough. She seemed a little better Saturday morning so we proceeded with our plans for the day. We even went to our neighbors for dinner (gee I hope they didn't get the bug!) I knew she was going down hill when she didn't want to play and went to lay down on the couch. I think we skipped church on Sunday because by this time both Sophia and Emma were snuffly and just not feeling great.

And so the week went. Both stayed home sick on Monday, Emma came home early on Tuesday because of fever, not eating, not eliminating.  Thursday Emma was home. Sophia just suffered through the rest of the week. I went out of town on Friday. My husband called when I landed to let  me know he was going to have to leave work and get Emma again.

That weekend landed Emma at the doctor's office at 6:15pm on a Friday night and a trip to the ER on Sunday. All while I was out of town. Helpless. My husband dealing with two sick kids - solo. I ended up having to take two more days off the next week because Emma was consistently running fevers.She returned to daycare on Wednesday but still had a low grade fever. At least by this time we figured out the cause of the fevers and finickiness- TEETH. Finally at 10 months she was getting her first tooth. But apparently this kid goes big or goes home-she has two coming in simultaneously on the top and I think two on the bottom as well. As of today they have finally broken through the surface of the gumline.

Meanwhile Sophia's runny nose has stopped but she has been running low grade fevers still and has now developed a cough. We went to the doctor Tuesday evening. She definitely has some rasp in her lungs and was prescribed something to dry it up. I recall the doctor saying if it wasn't better by today or Monday to call back. Well guess what-it hasn't gone away, may be worse, and now Emma is coughing. Are you kidding me? I can't wait to get the batch of EOBs from the insurance company. I'm sure we have been to the doctor at least 6 times in the month of January.

This doesn't include that the original cold has cycled through both Phillip and I too. And I am now dealing with some sinus pain and headaches, lots of sneezing and crap running around the back of my throat.

21 days of unhealthiness. 21 days of cranky. 21 days of Kleenex. 21 days of doctors and feeling like my hands are tied because I don't know how to make my kiddos feel better. 21 days.

When the milk runs dry

After nearly 10 months of nursing the journey Emma and I have been on is coming to an end. I'm not ready to be done nursing and Emma still takes to the breast very willingly. But my milk supply is just not what it used to be.

It was great to have time off during the holidays because I could nurse often, and not have to pump so much, but I also think we were up three or four times a night because she is only getting snacks and not full feedings while nursing. Sometimes I wish our breasts were translucent so we could actually see how much milk is in there and what our little nurslings are consuming!

I'm frustrated because I feel like my body is failing me. Not keeping up it's end of the bargain. Granted I have successfully nursed Emma 2 1/2 months longer than I was able to nurse Sophia but I was really hoping to make it the full year.

I counted the ounces in my freezer last night - 45oz. I send 15oz. of milk a day to daycare...you can do the math. Remember my stockpile? It's all but gone.

I tried fenugreek, I tried nettle, I tried oatmeal. Each pumping I have to work to get 1.5oz. Supply is not keeping up with demand.

The emotional component of nursing it perhaps what is most difficult. I feel that the end of nursing really signals that Emma is no longer an infant, no longer a baby. I won't get that daily, continuous, calming, closeness nursing provides.

And to boot, while cleaning out her lunch bag from day care, she didn't finish 2 ounces of a bottle. 2 ounces of precious liquid gold. 2 ounces that could get us through half of another feeding. 2 ounces that these days takes me 15-20 minutes to remove from my breast. Wasted.

I grounded Emma after that but I don't think she understood. I think she just grinned and clapped.

I will keep pumping until the well is really dry. I am so not ready to be at the end of this road.

"Princess Sofia"

My sister-in-law sent me this story the other day. Having a daughter named Sophia, I had to read it.

Ugh.

I have a love hate relationship with the Princesses. I grew up watching them. Love Cinderella. My middle name is Aurora (as is Sophia's) and I married a Phillip thus we are a living Sleeping Beauty (Princess Aurora and Prince Phillip-minus the sleeping thing and white horse and fairies following me around...) But as I have grown older and studied Media Literacy and the damaging effects of the Princesses....I cringe.

I am reluctant to overly encourage and share Princess stuff with Sophia. I prefer her to watch the more neutral movies and TV programs like Winnie the Pooh, Cat in the Hat, Fireman Sam, etc. and if we are going to watch a movie I'm glad she will pick Cars over a princess.

But Princess Sofia? It's over the top for me. She is targeted for girls age 2-7. She is "the purple-gowned kiddie princess. She becomes a princess when her mom marries the king of her storybook world." Disney assures us "That the inner character of kindness, generosity, loyalty, honesty and grace make you special, not the dress you wear." But when you have a 'kiddie princess' in a sparkly purple gown and tiara leaving in a castle and being a part of her MOM's STORYBOOK WORLD??? you are not going to be teaching my daughter much to relate to.

This Mom's Storybook world includes a husband who works very hard and carries the weight of his family's little world on his shoulders.

Two 'princesses' who cry, still have potty accidents, have tantrums, and hug you so fiercely you fall over.

While our 'castle' keeps us warm and dry the girls share a room and a dresser and a closet. We all share one small bathroom.

The have matching fuzzy footie pajamas that I bought on sale and to boot it was buy one get one free! I spent $8.80 total on their Christmas jammies.

There aren't a lot of sparkly new dresses and "bling" to wear. Our storybook includes making the food in the pantry and freezer stretch until pay day and having to say No to a box of band-aids because I literally didn't have the $1.99 to buy the fancy box of boo-boo fixers.

I hope Princess Sofia doesn't infiltrate my Princess Sophia's little world. 

Elf on the Shelf

Elf on the Shelf who has seemed to drop his moniker, Hat, has continued to make the rounds around the house. Only once did he have an extended stay at the North Pole with Santa because Sophia hurt his feelings and was really misbehaving. And he enjoyed sitting on an oil lamp so much he didn't move the next day. (whoops!) Perhaps he was extra warm from the (unlit) lamp and didn't want to move.

Shhh, Elf is napping.

Cup o joe?

One of my personal favorites!

9 months - Emma and Company

I can't believe Emma turned 9 months on Saturday. She is as old as I carried her. She is becoming a little person and not just a rolly polly blob. She is eating solids, although we need to continue to expand her palette. She is still toothless although I swear she was getting teeth at 4 months. They still haven't broken through the gum line. She has not figured out the crawling thing. She flops around from belly to back and can get her legs under her as if to crawl but can't seem to figure out what to do next. There are many things she has yet to learn but she has become so much more interactive as of late.

Sophia and Emma have started to "play" together. And by play I mean Sophia tries to pick her up or pull her close so they can do things together. Sophie is just strong enough to pick Emma up under her arms and place Emma where she wants her. But she hasn't heeded my advice when I tell her to put Emma down because she is pulling on her more than picking her up. With play also comes fights. Sophia does not yet understand that Emma has no concept of "mine" and "yours." So things are often grabbed out of each others hands.

So far now they are two sisters who love each other and learning to navigate each others world's. Each getting older and melting our hearts more and more each day. 

Elf on the Shelf

On my way into work this morning I drove along, hitting my face, scanning the radio, driving with the window open so I could stay awake. Emma has been getting me up twice a night and it is just exhausting. As I was nearly pulling into work I received a phone call.

It was Sophia. When she wants to talk to me in the morning it's one of two things- She doesn't want to go to school and is raising hell for Papa or she misses me and just wants to talk. She melted my heart this morning!

As we are now in the Christmas and Advent season our Elf on the Shelf, Hat, has made himself known in the house. Sophia was so excited and surprised to see him sitting on the video shelf Sunday evening as we returned home from Thanksgiving vacation. "Mama! Look!"

After discovering an awesome Flickr feed on Pinterest I realized we needed to up our Elf placement this year. 

This morning she called to tell me that Elf was in the kleenex. I questioned this as it sounded a bit odd but she assured me he was there. I asked what he was doing in there. Did he have a cold and need to blow his nose? "No, he's just hanging out." She was excited and amazed that he was there.

We chatted a bit more about breakfast and her day ahead. She is just so cute. Loves talking to me on the phone. And the call woke me up and melted my heart.

It's these random and little things that will begin to wane each year the girls grow older. I think I need to record these moments more often so I can remember the warmth they left inside me when they happen.

I wonder where Elf will be tomorrow?

Quirks

I can remember babysitting some kids or being in the grocery store and seeing the same thing-toddlers dressed as their alter ego-a fairy or batman-well after Halloween had past. Donning their spiderman costume or princess dress everyday, all day, all the time. It would be March and here comes Batman decked out head to toe. I'm sure some parents fought this with their unwilling toddler. Begging him to put on regular play clothes but then just giving in day after day after day. What's the harm anyway? At least they are dressed and happy.

Sophia is a bit like this right now. She has been refusing to sleep in her bed. She has a sleeping bag that has made appearances for nap-time and vacation and movie nights. Sometimes she sleeps in the sleeping bag in the bed but as of late she just wants to sleep on the floor.

At first we argued with her that she needs to sleep in her bed (for a good night of sleep), that we paid good money for her beautiful bed, that she can't sleep on the floor because we said so. Being the one who usually gives in I tried to hold the line and not overstep Phillip's previously argued arguments but then I thought, who cares?!? as long as she sleeps, in her room.

So for about a week now we have tucked her in on the floor. I can't figure out if her bed is getting to small-the next enlargement is out to a full size bed and we just don't have the room since the girls share a room. Or if there is an aversion to the barnyard sheets currently on the mattress, or if it's just a toddler quirk and she wants to sleep on the floor!

I'm sure in the coming weeks of holiday travel all fascination with the sleeping bag will wane and she will be trying to kick me out of my bed and want to sleep there instead.

Validation

As I play the mental slideshow of Halloween's past in my mind I see glimpses of my Mom sewing, scavenging items from her jewelry drawer, putting her rouge to my cheeks and then cold cream to my face to wash it off. There are pillowcases of candy, sorting and swapping on the living room floor, and gracious sharing (because, ew, I'm not going to eat that) that weird black and orange candy, the Baby Ruth and Almond Joy with my parents.

Costumes that appear in my mind are clowns, gypsies, a Rubiks Cube, my sisters and I as Marcia, Jan, and Cindy, a bag of jelly beans, Snow White. All fabricated, none bought new. The costumes were hand sewn from patterns by my Mom, put together out of things around the house, or gathered from Goodwill.

So now that Sophie is really old enough to understand the fun of costume and trick or treat it is my turn to create. I don't think I'm nearly as handy on the sewing machine as my mom but I can put thread to fabric and hold it together even if it is not pretty.

Sophie mentioned at some point late this summer she wanted to be an octopus. After a little thought I figured out how we could create this sea monster in a fun, not scary, whimsical way. I sewed ladies knee high tights to a pair of back leggings, added a black long sleeve shirt, a winter hat with felt eyes hot glued on! Viola! An octopus.

Going with the ocean theme I decided Emma would be a mermaid. Her costume was a bit more labor intensive and required some planning and sewing. Phillip, the son of an engineer, was able to help me figure out how to make a pattern for the tail, piece all the fabric together so the right sides were on the outside, and sew it together. Felt seashells hot glued to a white onesie and a blonde wig to complete the ensemble and we were done! (Okay, so all actually took a lot longer than this but you get my point-not a lot of pieces, not complex sewing techniques.)

The pattern for Emma's tail

Our first trick or treat event was at Wegman's Grocery store the Friday before Halloween. Phillip was out of town so I took the kids to the store solo for this event. It was awesome! Sophia, I think for the first time in her life, was genuinely excited about something. She squealed in delight from her car seat, overflowing with tentacles, 'I'm so EXCITED!" The event was safe, warm, well-lit, and just fun to see the other kids going about from the deli to the bakery to the florist trick or treating. Shoppers with and without kids enjoyed seeing all the wee ones in costume.

On the way to Wegmans!

By the end of the night I nearly had to shield my eyes-I was nearly famous. "Wow, did you make that?" "Oh my gosh honey, look how cute that girl is." "That is the neatest costume I've ever seen!" "You really made that by hand?" You would have thought I had hand sewn an evening gown.

I thought all moms made their kids Halloween costumes. But boy was I wrong. Adults, moms, clerks, people without kids couldn't stop looking at Sophia's costume! It did feel awesome but was  a little embarrassing towards the end of the night with so much attention. It was just fun for me to do. And inexpensive. And creative. And Sophia LOVES it. She loves the costume, loves wearing it, loves twirling her tentacles.

Sophie the Octopus and Emma the Mermaid

Emma's costume was awesome too but more enjoyed through photographs since I didn't make a way for her to wear her tail in her bucket and be strapped in at the same time.

I can't wait for next year!

Tired

I hate that I haven't been on top of my blogging. I miss sharing glimpses into my life and interesting things I've observed or thought about. I'm just tired.

Part of the exhaustion is to be expected-a 7.5 month old, a toddler, a working mom, a wife, a husband, a commuter. There just isn't enough time in the day. In the evenings after dinner is made, kids are bathed, preparations for the next day are done I'm all out of air and can hardly hold up a book or push the buttons on the remote.

I don't like feeling this way and everything is suffering.

Piles to go through in nearly every room. Laundry that seems to take forever to put away. Papers that need to be filed. Halloween costumes that need to be completed. Way too many overdue library books and fines to pay.

I've been so mentally tired that I have a hard time churning up good ideas to write about. At work there has been an unresolved issue I've been collaborating on with a very articulate, detail oriented, driven colleague and I'm just the middle man. I'm thankful he has the situation under control because I just don't have the mental energy to comprehend the lengthy back and forth emails discussing the issue.

I don't really see an end in the near future to the exhaustion. I just have to keep on keepin' on but would love your coping mechianisms. What do you do to stay focused? Stay alert? Be menatlly awake enough to be mentally challenged?

Three cups of coffee a day isn't sustainable!

It's not all bad

Sophia is 3 1/2. Tantrums and strong will is part of her repertoire right now. But it's not all bad.

Her general fits for nothing have simmered since she started preschool. She seems to thrive with the daily routine and knows what is coming next. She really likes school. My fears about this transition have subsided. She looks forward to school each day, loves getting to drive to work with "my Papa", likes having a lunch packed each day, and loves to tell me about what she does and her classmates.

I love writing her notes for her lunch each day. It is a challenge sometimes to come up with what to write but it's a little bit of me that gets to go with her each day. Special things that are love notes just between us.

I LOVE getting her folder of notes, papers, permission slips, and artwork. But my favorite thing is the Scholastic Book order. I was transported to my elementary school days when she brought her first book order and had to keep my pocket book in check as I thumbed through the pages deciding what to order for her. I settled on a three pack of Berenstain Bears books. They are as much for me as they are for her.

A non-school related thing that is wonderful about Sophia? She thanks Phillip and I for making her dinner nearly every night. This was unprompted and started many months ago. After we say grace she will address whomever made dinner and say "Thank you for making dinner Papa/Mama." I don't know where she picked this jem up but I hope she says it forever because it makes me melt and I think she truly appreciates the work we put into providing a meal for her!

Mom Guilt

I have been in a funk since Saturday night. I feel awful and scared. I can only imagine the invisible scars Sophia is brandishing.

I was handling the kids lone ranger Friday and Saturday night. Friday was a treat for Sophie-dinner and a movie, popcorn on the couch, bedtime at 9:30pm. Just the two of us once Emma was off to sleep.

Saturday was a delight of the senses. Awesome fall weather-cool and crisp, a walk to the bakery for a Red Truck Sugar cookie then off to the Farmer's Market and later in the afternoon shopping for items for her Halloween costume and a stop at Effie's, our favorite ice cream spot. Just the girls. We had a pretty good weekend. Until bedtime Saturday night.

After brushing teeth, washing up, jammies, and books it was bedtime. Sophia protested from the moment I said Bedtime. Kicking, screaming, unyielding to compromise. Stiff body and flailing limbs as I tried to pick her up and put her in bed.
"I don't want to go to bed. "
"I don't want to do anything."
"It's too dark in here."
"I want to keep the light on."
"I'm not tired."

I had set Emma in her crib while dealing with Sophia. Our screaming just upset Emma so all three of us were crying and screaming. I muscled Sophia into bed only to have her challenge me and get out. I caved.

I let her sleep in our bed until Phillip returned home later that evening.

When Phillip went into our room to move Sophia from our bed to hers, she woke up again. It was midnight. This woke me up too. She started protesting again. Full on fit. Round 2! Her crying and screaming woke Emma up.

Both tanturms were just awful. It made me angry that I planned and did special things with her earlier in the weekend.  Angry that I yelled at her. Angry that I give in. Angry that I allow her to manipulate me.

I carried this anger with me throughout the day today. Frustrated that I don't know how to better handle these situations. Concerned that there is something bigger at the root of Sophia's tantrums. Worried that Emma is only absorbing our attitudes and will see these as normal behaviors.

I vowed that I will practice my patience and pray that we can figure out a better way to work through these tantrums and learn how to resolve them in a more calm, loving manner.

Mother Nature

In my mind Virginia is really part of the Midwest. Sure we live only 45 minutes (on a good day, with no traffic) from DC but out here way far away from the beltway there are cows and fields and pastures and occasionally strangers who wave at you while you are driving down the road. Just like where I grew up in Missouri. A little bit rural, a little bit suburban, close enough to a major metropolitan area to enjoy professional sports and 'culture' but far enough away to not be in the hustle and bustle. Weather wise it's like the Midwest too...just without the threat of tornadoes. Nice and safe. Until this past Tuesday.

I was at my desk, in the basement of my building, ALONE (there are no other offices in the basement!) working away when the whole building started shaking. It scared the shit out of me. I questioned what the hell was happening, got on the floor under my desk. Then I decided "I don't want to be here. My desk could collapse on me not to mention the three floors of a building built in the 30s could fall on me." I darted upstairs. There was NO ONE in the hallway. Another flash of where the hell is everyone. I ran outside. Into the arms of a close friend of mine and the "Oh my god! Kelly! We're so sorry." They didn't think to yell downstairs or look for me in the panic.

Most of us had just experienced our first earthquake. A 5.8 quake. The epicenter was 65 miles from our house. I felt an aftershock at 8pm Tuesday night, another around 1am, and another last night at 1am. They scare the shit out of me. I have woken up during both the early morning aftershocks and reached for Phillip in the bed. Praying they pass quickly. I wonder when aftershocks stop being aftershocks and start being earthquakes again. I can not imagine living in California or having lived through the terrible tragedy in Japan this past March.

And now Irene is beating down our door. They keep saying that this hurricane will be something that most of us will never experience again in our lifetime because of how wide the storm is as it heads up the east coast and across major metropolitan areas. I realize we very well may be with out power for several days. We have a camp stove, plenty of gas to operate the stove, drinking water and enough food to last several days. My biggest concern if we loose power is having enough ice on hand to keep my breast milk frozen. If I loose my freezer stash I will be devastated. Luckily my neighbor is part owner of a generator company! I hope he has one at the ready for us.

So we are doing okay. Just waiting for the next event. Trying to stay safe and calm. Batten down the hatches!

Letting Go....

In less than two weeks Sophia will be heading off to full day, all week pre-school. My heart thinks she is heading off to college. So this is the feeling millions of moms have felt as their kids head off to kindergarten, off to middle school, off to college, off to get married. Letting go a little at a time. It's like letting out the line of my rod and reel. Just a little bit of letting go and waiting for that bite. And then reeling them back in.

I am excited because she will be learning and interacting and growing so much during this time. But I'm also nervous and anxious. I think it is a lot for her to be in school everyday and all day at age 3 but it is the option that has to work for us right now.

I am comforted by the fact that she will be at the same school where Phillip teaches. They will be able to have lunch together occassionaly and he will be on hand in case of any discipline issues. And because she thinks right now "I get to go to school with My Papa" I think this will ease her transition into school. She doesn't really get that she's not going to Miss Ellen and Miss Jackie's like she did last year.

I'm bummed that her former school/daycare had to close because a lot of their families moved and they simply didn't have the enrollment to sustain staying open. Sophia LOVES those ladies and really flourished in the last year under their wings. We were looking forward to Emma being there but she was their only charge. So alas, she is with a new daycare provider. We'll see how that goes.

The other thing that is very exciting about Sophia's beginning school adventure? SCHOOL SUPPLIES! Fresh crayons, Elmer's glue, sharp scissors all neatly packed into a backpack. This was totally lost on Phillip.

So while I have to let my little love bug go, learn, and grow...I do get to reel her in at the end of the day, hug her, kiss her, squish her and watch her take a bite out of life and soak in learning.

Positive Press on Home birth!

A friend of mine emailed me last week a query for HARO-Help A Reporter Out. The reporter was writing a story on home birth and looking for people to interview. I responded and said I would be happy to share my story. Today the article ran in the New York Times! "Demand Growing for Giving Birth at Home" by Roni Caryn Rabin ran in the Health section.

I spoke to the reporter for about forty minutes last week. Overall I'm pleased with her story but it is interesting rereading it how little details stray a bit from their intention. For example "she narrowly avoided getting a Cesarean section" isn't exactly true. I said that had I had one of the other two doctors in the practice I probably would have ended up with a C-Section because I don't think they would have let me labor as long as the OB that was on call that day did. The OB on call was very aware of my intentions for natural, vaginal, childbirth. We got along very well and she understood my stance on childbirth. The other doctors were not as understanding.

I find the statistic published by The American Journal of Obstetrics & Gynecology that "babies born at home are three times as likely as those born in a hospital to die before they are four weeks old" astounding.

While I agree that some factors should be taken into consideration before deciding on a home birth or hospital birth I don't think women who are pregnant with twins, have a breech baby, or want to attempt VBAC should be deterred from using a midwife. Midwives are trained to assist women in these situations and many women who have these "risk" can have a successful home birth. As a side note, many women who want to attempt VBAC are discouraged by their OBGYNs to do so and it is the midwife who opens her arms to these women.

The one thing I wish the reporter would have shared in her article is the simple need for women to better educate ourselves on pregnancy and labor options. I don't care which route you go- hospital or home birth- epidural or natural- vaginal or c-section we just need to be more responsible for EDUCATING ourselves on the process. We will research a product we want to purchase or a location for a vacation we want to take until we are blue in the face but when in comes to OUR BODIES, OUR CHILDREN we assume that doctor knows best and don't take this journey into our own hands! We need to steer this ship, not be mere passengers aboard for the ride.

The never ending sleep issue

A co-worker of mine gave birth to her first son one day before I gave birth to Emma. A few weeks ago she emailed several of the new moms at work to see if they had any advice for working with her son to establish a strong sleep pattern. The sleepless nights and crying were taking a toll on her. I recalled how many times I've asked for advice on the subject and the many sleep issues we have had. I forwarded her query onto another co-worker who's son is now about 14 months old. I remember her coming to work exhausted because her son just wouldn't sleep at normal hours. He seemed to keep her up constantly through the firs year. I liked her advice so much I asked if I could share it here. It seems we will always struggle with the topic of sleep so why not offer another perspective! It also helps to realize we really are all in this together!

Here is the original email:
"Jake is now 4 months + 9 days and is still waking up every 3 hrs (if not less) in the night. Not all wakings are hunger-based, but I’ve found the most effective way to get him back to sleep is by nursing him (I know… wrong method). Last night, with a FULL tank, he went to sleep at 7pm. His first waking was at 8:30/8:35/8:40/8:45 (paci finally worked), then 12 (feeding), then 2:45/2:50/2:55, then 3 (feeding) and then didn’t want to go back to sleep. By 4am, Israel decided that he was going to let him cry it out. Rough night…

So we are now forced to do some sort of sleep training for Jake. Can you please tell me what you did, whether you felt it was effective, what you would’ve done differently (if anything), etc.? Any words of comfort would also be appreciated for my breaking heart…"

My coworkers response:
"First, I TOTALLY feel your pain!! We had to let Calder cry when I finally had enough at about 5 or 6 mo. He was still getting up 2 or 3 times every night to nurse & it started getting worse so his doctor said he was a good candidate for crying since he clearly wanted to play when he woke up (nothing else would soothe him…not, the swing or even nursing when it was at its worst). She told me to use ear plugs (helpful) but it is very emotionally painful. Andy had to be the one to check on him (every few minutes) or just to sit with him (which just made Calder madder it seemed, but made us feel a bit better). I just couldn’t sit there & watch him cry & reach to be picked up!! Anyway, since I do all the feedings I thought it was fair that Andy deal with that!

Fortunately, we only had to do it a few nights (& occasional other times). My concern is always that I don’t know if he is just crying because he doesn’t feel well. (Unless he has a fever, how can we tell!?) So another helpful thing the doctor told us is to just give him Tylenol when he is having one of those nights (so you rule out him wailing because he’s not feeling well). (She said a few nights of Tylenol won’t hurt.) …Then, if that still doesn’t work after a ½ hour or so, do the sleep training. (sigh.)

When Calder was younger we didn’t let him cry, but we did bounce him to sleep on a Pilates ball, & if he kept waking up (like Jake did last night), we put him in his swing to sleep. That usually kept him asleep until his regular wake up times & then I could usually put him back in the crib after the feeding. I think this happened randomly, but regularly when he was 3-5 months old. I totally believe that every baby & family is different, and you might all be ready to (& need to) do sleep training now even though I wasn’t ready yet!

They say breastfed babies wake up more (don’t know if it’s true), but it’s so easy to breastfeed them back to sleep that it becomes hard NOT to do it! I still occasionally feed Calder at about 5 AM. (He’s 13 months old now.) …but then if he sleeps until 7:30 after that, it’s worth it to me. Rocking, etc. has never worked for Calder at all. (He would just get more upset.) Breastfeeding was/is the only thing that really works, so, of course, I do it. Yes, some people might think I’m “giving in” or being a weak parent, but he is a pretty good sleeper now has mostly stopped getting up, so maybe he just needed the extra nutrients? …or the extra love? (…at least that’s what I’ll choose to believe for all my wake-ups!)

It seems that most rough nights can be blamed on teething, growth spurts (needing more food), or being sick. …& then sometimes a little bit on just wanting more time to play, be with mom, etc. The problem is that it’s so hard to tell what’s going on! I usually give him a night or 2 (occasionally more if not totally desperate for sleep) to see if it might be health related, then, if it’s starting to be a pattern, we let him cry. Here’s the “method” that we have evolved into using: We go in & pick him up for a few seconds (try to calm him, but he usually screams, especially as you….) then put him back down, walk out of the room & let him cry if he must. We call it “ the reset.” When he amps back up to full pitch, we go in & do it again. Or, if he starts at full pitch we wait about 10-15 minutes to see if he’ll calm down before we reset him again. Now, when we have to do this, we usually only have to reset him once, since I think I knows that we’re not going to give in & let him nurse, play, etc.

Alright, I already wrote more than you will have time to read! Good luck. Remember that everything is changing & like everything with babies, it won’t last long! (We kept reminding each other “There is no ‘this.’”….as in “I can’t do ‘this!’” since it is always changing….both the good & the bad things!)

Updates

It has almost been a month since I last blogged! I have been loosing sleep because Emma still seems to want to eat every 2 hours so I'm usually too exhausted to blog in the evening and we were on vacation for a week and a half. I have a lot of topics/ideas to blog about its just getting back into the swing of things!

Emma had her four month appointment in the middle of July. She is a little string bean! She was only 11lbs and 11 oz. She is 25 inches long. I believe she was in the 10% for weight!

She rolled over for the first time (okay, she rolled over at 2 months when I put her on my bed but I think that was a fluke) on Monday. She now can't get enough of the rocking and rolling to her tummy. She loves doing it so much that we may have to stop swaddling her! She rolls in her crib when sleeping and can't quiet roll again to her back so she wakes up!

Emma is also drooling like CRAZY! I think she has to have a tooth coming in.

Like I said previously, she is still pretty intent on eating every 2-3 hours. While she gave me the gift of sleeping through the night from month 2-3 she is now waking up in the middle of the night once or twice. It is so exhausting! She is random in her timing and eager to nurse. It usually only take 30 minutes to nurse and get her back to sleep but of course in the middle of the night it is so disruptful. I hope she changes her way soon.

Other than that she is full of smiles, likes to giggle, and still prefers to be held than in the swing or chair!

Although Sophia is just 3 and certainly has her three year old moments she has also said and done some things that are so sweet and mature. For example most nights at the dinner table after grace she will say "thank you for making dinner" to whom ever prepped the meal. This isn't something we taught her. She just started saying it. It melts my heart every time.

Tonight when the girls were playing in their room and I was putting up their laundry Sophia was giving Emma soft baby toys to touch and play with. She would take Emma's hand and help her feel the textures and see the mirrors or pictures on the soft blocks. When Emma would reach out and touch it on her own Sophia would clap for Emma and congratulate her! She exhibited the same enthusiasm when she would roll over. It is so fun to watch Sophia enjoy Emma learning and discovering!

Happieness is measured in ounces

I think I've figured out the key to my happiness at least while I'm lactating.

Phillip went to a conference today so I had to wrangle the girls by myself all day. Emma was up at 6:00am and wasn't convinced that snuggling in bed with me after I nursed her was going to be enjoyable so we were up and at 'em.

I sent up a quiet little prayer to please have Sophia stay in bed past 6:30am figuring she had stirred when I went to retrieve Emma.

Sophia stayed in bed and Emma was content in her swing so I could do some work on the computer. This lasted until 7:30am. I figured we would make the most of our day.

Although I'm challenging myself with giving up sugar I'm only about 85-90% compliant! We headed up to the local bakery for a breakfast treat and great coffee. Then to the library to drop a few things in the overnight box followed by our weekly trip to the farmer's market.

I pushed a smiley, content little miss Emma in the stroller and played the "hand squeeze" game with Sophie as we walked through town. Her soft paw nestled in mine. Home again, home again jiggity jig.

Nursed Emma, read some books on the couch and off to Target. Both girls were angels in the store. We didn't have any tantrums. I wasn't bored or annoyed by Sophia's demand to look at the toys-because she never asked this trip.

After lunch both girls napped! Emma-for at least three hours. She even woke up a bit and let me get her back to sleep. I was prepared for a protest. Their naps allowed me to work on finishing up work on a reference list for a paper our neighbor is writing.

Sophia played with the neighbor kids. We had Chick-fil-A for dinner. I got all three of us in our jammies. More nursing, more books. Another jump off the wagon-Ghirardelli Chocolate Chip Brownies...fresh out of the over, still oooey gooey, chocolaty. Sophia looked at me while eating her morsel of a brownie and said "thank you for making brownies mama." If the chocolate isn't enough to make me melt, that is!

No fights. No tantrums. No sitting in the corner. No begging. Just two well behaved girls.

Sophia to bed. Emma to bed. Kitchen cleaned. Wine poured.

And the happiness in ounces you ask? 4 ounces of expressed breast milk. Usually the last pumping of the day I'm lucky to get 2 ounces and that's if I eviscerate my breasts.

The only thing that would have made today better is if Phillip would have been home!