Wednesday, January 04, 2012

When the milk runs dry

After nearly 10 months of nursing the journey Emma and I have been on is coming to an end. I'm not ready to be done nursing and Emma still takes to the breast very willingly. But my milk supply is just not what it used to be.

It was great to have time off during the holidays because I could nurse often, and not have to pump so much, but I also think we were up three or four times a night because she is only getting snacks and not full feedings while nursing. Sometimes I wish our breasts were translucent so we could actually see how much milk is in there and what our little nurslings are consuming!

I'm frustrated because I feel like my body is failing me. Not keeping up it's end of the bargain. Granted I have successfully nursed Emma 2 1/2 months longer than I was able to nurse Sophia but I was really hoping to make it the full year.

I counted the ounces in my freezer last night - 45oz. I send 15oz. of milk a day to can do the math. Remember my stockpile? It's all but gone.

I tried fenugreek, I tried nettle, I tried oatmeal. Each pumping I have to work to get 1.5oz. Supply is not keeping up with demand.

The emotional component of nursing it perhaps what is most difficult. I feel that the end of nursing really signals that Emma is no longer an infant, no longer a baby. I won't get that daily, continuous, calming, closeness nursing provides.

And to boot, while cleaning out her lunch bag from day care, she didn't finish 2 ounces of a bottle. 2 ounces of precious liquid gold. 2 ounces that could get us through half of another feeding. 2 ounces that these days takes me 15-20 minutes to remove from my breast. Wasted.

I grounded Emma after that but I don't think she understood. I think she just grinned and clapped.

I will keep pumping until the well is really dry. I am so not ready to be at the end of this road.

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