Random

I'm sick and tired of buying diapers. I hate spending money on them. I hate putting the box in the cart. I hate throwing them out. We've wobbled back and forth between disposable and our Bum Genius cloth diapers but to make the BGs work okay I have to stuff them with two inserts. It makes for a thick diaper but Sophie doesn't mind. But she is at the top of the weight limit for the BGs and they still leak even with two inserts. Not happy.
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Potty training. She needs to get with the program. I wonder if I bought a potty training seat insert if she would be more interested in trying to use the potty. We have a potty like this (no lid) and she sits on it for one second at a time and then congratulates herself. I don't think so kid.
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Hair cut? I go through phases with my hair. Short, long, Locks of Love, short, long, short, I want a wig. Sophie's hair is a hot mess. It is super nappy after a long nights sleep or even a nap. Has taken forever (okay, two years) to get to the "length" it is now, and the disheveled mess makes me want to trim it up a bit. I was going to do this in the tub tonight (even ready to call my niece who is a hair dresser for pointers) but my husband talked me out of it. "You always want to cut it, cut it (talking about my own hair) and remember when you got mad at your mom for cutting your hair short in the second grade?" He begged and pleaded for me to leave it alone. I did.
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Sophie likes to look at my breasts. I often wear v-neck shirts so access is easy. She pulls the shirt away from my body, looks in, and says "booboo" "my booboo" "mine." We'll I guess they were yours for eight months but now they are all mine sister. Do your kids (especially if they were breastfed) still like to look at your ta-tas? I may have to start wearing a turtleneck.
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Babies. A good friend and my cousin are both with child. It's a bittersweet time in my heart. I was pregnant right along with them back in late September/early October. My work friend came to me, closed the door, sat down. I looked at her and said she must be quitting or she's pregnant. My cousin and I spoke on the phone and shared our secrets with each other like we kids in pigtails again. We were finally going to be pregnant together! (She has two girls already and we made a pact at our weddings {which were two weeks apart} to be pregnant together, some pact;) My cousin had her baby, a boy, today. And my friend will hopefully go into labor any day now. She did eat a lot of pineapple at lunch! My heart swells with emotion. A twinge of sadness for me and my husband knowing that we too should have been rounding out the third trimester now but also happiness and excitement for these two boys entering the world. I can't wait to squish the tiny ones (gently, of course.)

Vegas, baby!

Just because that's what we all say doesn't mean we should do it. Vegas, baby is just a phrase, not an invitation.

I recently went on holiday with my mom and sisters to Las Vegas. We just wanted a time to be together, enjoy each others company now that we are adults and don't hate each other. So off to Vegas we went. My parent go to Vegas frequently and my dad and grandpa used to take a trip there together every fall. For as long as I can recall them taking these trips they have always stayed at the Golden Nugget in downtown Las Vegas. It's "old Vegas" and just my style. Not too busy, not too trendy, and not too expensive. All in all we had a great time. Didn't come back with any extra money but a lot of memories.

I've been to Vegas one other time before I was married and had a kid. I don't recall seeing many kids that first time out. But I'm sure I was self absorbed and only thinking about me. This trip I saw kids all over the place. In the restaurants, at the pool, in the casinos, on Freemont Street at 10:30pm and later. Infants, toddlers, kids. All over the place! In the casinos full of smoke and liquor and breasts and skimpy clothes. What fun is a casino for a kid? Vegas is not on our list of family vacations until the kids are at least 21.

Manners

Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter which fork you use. ~Emily Post

Phillip and I have been talking about having another kiddo. For most couples deciding on when to start trying to get pregnant and how close or apart to have kids is always a conversation that requires some finesse. If I had it my way I would have each kid two years apart and I'd like to have about four of 'em! But sometimes our bodies, our God, and our pocketbooks have other plans.

To feed my baby craze I have recently found myself lurking and occasionally posting on the baby website TheBump.com. The parent site of The Bump is The Knot. They suck women into their dark and twisty place when we are so bedazzled by our engagement rings we are too awestruck to realize what's happening. You start on The Knot, get hitched and head to The Nest, and then get knocked up and head to The Bump.

Each of the websites feature a "community" section with a large variety of message boards were you can chat about anything. On The Bump the chatter ranges from dinner, gay/lesbian parenting, infertility issues, toddlers, eco-parenting, trying to get pregnant, etc. etc. etc. The point of the forums is to have a place to talk and connect with other women like you-women with the same issues, challenges, fears, disappointments, and successes. It is a place to be heard and share your story. When I was pregnant for the first time I too turned to the community forums. If you are smart you take others advice with a grain of salt but generally the conversation was helpful and supportive. I don't know what has changed in two years but the women I've encountered on there recently are just plain bitches.

For example a woman posted on there today about coming off birth control, not getting her period, negative home pregnancy tests, seeing her dr., getting prescribed a drug to kick start her cycle, and then testing positive for pregnancy today. She was taken aback by the positive test and the unfolding of her cycle. She was excited about what was happening. Then come the comments on the forum. "You should be posting on 1st Tri though, the women here are still TTC." and "No offense, but I don't think you really know how your body works." Jeez louise! So snarky. The newly pregnant lady just found out she was pregnant and wanted to share her story. She doesn't need people biting her head off because she was confused about her cycle. And this example was very tame compared to some of the drama you can witness on there!

I think I'm going to have to deactivate my account. The world doesn't need anymore rude people and they are festering on The Bump.

Should have listened to mom...

I think most kids are encouraged and even forced to take some sort of musical instruction as kids. I took piano lessons for years. I loved playing the simple Christmas songs that only required the notes GBDFA (Good Boys Do Fine Always) and FACE and something about Cows eating grass. But when it came to the more complex songs I struggled. I struggled because having to practice everyday was such a chore. I hated to practice. I regret it to this day and should have listened to my mother.

In college I came back to my "musical roots" and took guitar lessons. I used my grandfathers old Sears guitar that I nicknamed Stubby Stella. I called her this because the guitar featured a half fret at the top and was shorter than most standard guitars. Every Thursday I would trek down the alley to Blue Eagle Music in Athens, OH and took an hour long lesson from an old hippie named Ethan in the basement of the store. He taught me classics such as Green Sneeze (aka Greensleeves) and Lynard Skynard's Simple Man as a waft of his cigarette smoke danced around my head. I loved taking these lessons but still had no musical talent.

Phillip's kinfolk used to have bluegrass jam sessions at Christmastime. Banjos, dulcimers, guitars, fiddles all banging out harmonious notes. It is one of his fondest memories of his grandparents and aunts and uncles. I bought him a fiddle for Christmas one year. It now is tucked away in a closet mostly unused.

So my question is this: Does Sophie have a chance? I regret that Phillip and I don't have any musical fortitude. I love acoustic music and organic jam sessions. I love all sorts of music. But can she develop musical talent even if it's not in her "genes"? I am envious and amazed at the latest YouTube sensation and wonder if perhaps one day Sophie could be an over night success as well.

To sleep or not to sleep

Google "sleep facts" and you will no doubt have an onslaught of results. One quickly caught my eye with it's teaser info.

"A new baby typically results in 400-750 hours lost sleep for parents in the first year!" Found on Hibermate.com

That's a lot of lost sleep! Toddlers need between 14-15 hours of sleep a day. But getting a child to sleep-yeah, there don't seem to be a lot of "facts" on that. I've done a lot of "research" on this topic - Google searches, asking friends with kids, reading baby forums, talking to my mom and mother-in-law. If only we could teach kids at the tender age of two that they WANT to sleep now because it is a precious commodity when they are older the world world would be a happier place.

We are still having problems getting Sophie to go to sleep. I follow the rules: bath, jammies, brush teeth, soft light, blinds closed, story (or four), hugs and kisses, into the bed. And each night it's the same. Even though she is practically jumping out of my arms and into the bed-she screams when she gets in there.

"Green, green." She shouts, indicating she wants the green blanket. And then the fuzzy new blanket Gramma made her, or the blanket I knit her. "Pillow, pillow." She wants the other pillow. "Doodle, doodle." Meaning she wants another stuffed dog to sleep with. I really don't put up with this long. I tell her I love her, give her another kiss, and make my exit. The screaming and crying continues. Breaks my heart every night. I just want to put her down with a hug and a kiss and have her peacefully drift to sleep. But that's not my lot.

Two nights ago we went to check on her before we went to bed and she was sideways in the crib, blankets askew, feet dangling out between the bed slats. Last night she cried and talked to herself for 45 minutes! And when I heard a banging sound over the sound of the tv I sent the husband in to check on her. She was sideways again and kicking the bed and it reverberated against the wall. Tonight cries and sounds of "MAMA" continued as I got in the shower. Post shower I hear her talking to herself. "No, no, no-no." Who knows.

Luckily nine and a half times out of ten when she is finally asleep she sleeps the whole night through. I guess I've just got to pick my battles.

Mother's Day

Extract from To My Mother

Because I feel that, in the Heavens above,
The angels, whispering to one another,
Can find, among their burning terms of love,
None so devotional as that of 'Mother,'
Therefore by that dear name I long have called you...

-Edgar Allen Poe

I believe that Mother's Day should be celebrated even before the unborn child makes his debut. The work, pain, suffering, joy, compassion, and care of a mother begins well before the birthday of the expected child.

I also believe that Day only gets better with each passing year. My first official Mother's Day was not filled with warmth, an outpouring of gratitude, or breakfast in bed. I recall wanting the day to quickly pass by. I had been a mother for about three weeks. I was exhausted, frustrated, and sad. I remember Sophie not sleeping well the previous night. Because most mother's spend the first month or so awake when they should be sleeping the smallest things upset you and thinking rationally doesn't come easy. I remember screaming and crying because Sophie wouldn't go back to sleep after nursing. I think we both felt miserable. The cards I received from family and friends brought me to tears because I didn't feel worthy of the praise. But now I realize that's just all part of the process and part of what makes us mothers so damn tough.

Last year I received my first Mother's Day card from Sophie and I still look at it from time to time-written in a hybrid of her and her father's handwriting. Sweet, gentle, loving. And this year I have matured even more in my motherhood. Sure, not every day is full of roses, sunshine and puppies but the good out number the bad and I have learned, somewhat, how to ignore the tantrums and I'm learning to roll with the punches.

But now because Sophie can speak and walk and understand, there is no doubt she loves me. I love her soft kisses on my cheek and the hugs around my knees. Her affection and needing me is enough of a gift. Maybe I should have realized that when she was but three weeks old she wasn't trying to deprive me of sleep but give me a gift...her needing me and wanting me close.

I can only imagine with more years and hopefully more children Mother's Day continues to evolve and be a day I will always look forward to.

Happy Mother's Day!

One of those nights

Oy vey. This is a much deserved glass of wine.

Sophie came home from daycare demanding juice, water, to look in the cabinet. (Presumably for the forbidden binkie.) She was saying no, disobeying us at every chance, standing on the chair at the dinner table. Threw a pen at me. And then when I took a frozen waffle out of the freezer and she demanded that and I demanded to heat it up (duh) another tantrum ensued. That was the camel that broke the straws back...I mean the straw the broke the camel's back. (Told you it was a good glass of wine;)

Phillip set up the time out chair in the corner. What did I do? Laugh. That nervous, trying to keep a straight face laugh. I'm not handling the discipline portion of parenting very well. I know she shouldn't say NO to us. But when she says it in a mischievous toothy grin sort of way-how can I reprimand her for that? It's just so cute. And wrong.

Oh heaven help me. How am I going to survive all of the future discipline issues we will surely face?

You are what you eat

Food is a topic that most people enjoy. What to cook, how to prepare it, food philosophies, the good the bad, the delicious, and the putrid. Not Raising Brats author and reporter, Hillary, inquired about what her readers eat and feed their children. This topic is one I am passionate about and I didn't feel I should write a blog post in the "brats" comment section. So here is my response.

I will start by saying I am not a great role model. A picky eater that has vowed to learn to try new things-and been successful at it in some cases. I come from a midwestern, steak and potatoes and snacking family. I swore up and down I didn't like potatoes for about twenty years. Then when my chef brother made roasted redskin potatoes for me I changed my tune. I like them baked, fried, roasted, sauteed, mashed, with garlic, and learning to eat sweet potatoes.

When my daughter Sophia was born I was bound and determined NOT to take her down my wayward path of poor eating habits. I breastfed for eight months and started solids at eight months. The first food in her mouth was organic bananas-hand smashed by me, not Gerber.
I bought, boiled, and pureed organic sweet potatoes and smushed organic avocados. Being a spring baby I delighted in going to the farmer's market each Saturday looking for a new fruit or vegetable to try.

I still try to live by the "Super Baby Food" cookbook which easily and in detail lays out why and how you should make your own baby food. It talks about cost savings (a bonus for any budget conscience parent-even when buying Organic!) and nutritional value of the plethora of fruits and vegetables available to use fresh and frozen. I made my own rice cereal, frozen dinners, and Popsicles. For the skeptical, let me share that I live an hour from work if the traffic isn't bad and I could still mange to make time to make the food. I was even in Target the other day ogling a woman's four-month old baby in the baby food aisle and told her about the "Super Baby Food" cookbook!

Now that Sophie is two and eats "big people food" I try to include the following in each meal. Dairy, fruit, whole grains, protein, vegetables. So for lunch today we had a Boca Chicken patty, strawberries and some Snikiddy cheese puffs. (They are made with whole grains.) I do worry she doesn't get enough of this or that but for the most part I think we are on the right track. She loves fruit, has decided drinking milk isn't all that bad, enjoys water now so she isn't drinking as much juice and when we do snack I give her very small portions and try to make it something healthy.

I am gearing up to train for a 1/2 marathon so my wayward habits will have to disappear. I'm a much better eater in the spring and summer because I love the summer fruit varieties. But as I continue my quest to teach Sophie how to eat I am also willing to try new things. It doesn't mean I have to like it.

Potty Training *Warning* I'm talking about elimination here-pee & poop

I was so excited the first time Sophie used the potty, she was 21 months old and we were ahead of the curve! We have had the potty since she was about 18 months. It was easy to tell when she was having a "movement" and the next logical step to us was get a potty, put her on it, stop having her crouch in the poop corner.

She pushed her potty around the house, put toys in it, sat on it like a chair, returned it to its place of honor in the bathroom. The first time she actually used it she was mid-poop when I went to change her diaper so I scooped her up, set her on the potty and she finished her business. We both smiled and clapped! Put the potty in the big people's potty, flushed it away, washed our hands and commenced to mark this historic occasion with a butterfly sticker on the potty calendar.

As you can see there were only a few successes in January but they were successes nonetheless. We rolled into February.

Not many more attempts and successes than January but still she earned some stickers. We traveled early in the month and brought the potty with but then were hit by the Blizzard of 2010 so it's not surprising her "trying" got off kilter.
And then March came:

Spring has sprung! Look at all of those butterfly stickers! She was a potty champ. "You'll use the poooootttttyyyyy." Just like Elmo sings in "Elmo's Pottytime" video. We were on our way. I bought less diapers, bought pull ups, encouraged her to use the potty. We traveled again in March, toted the potty with, she used it all week. Even though she became constipated. She peed in the potty. I was a proud mama knowing I was potty training before age 2!

And then came April.

Nothing. Nada. No Dice. Zero. Zip.

She sits on the potty with CLOTHES on. Stands up. Claps. Congratulates herself with a hearty "Yea!" but has accomplished nothing. She loves her diapers. Hates the pull ups. I have no idea what gives or what to do. We use the potty together but she has nothing to show for it. I only have frustration.

Any suggestions? What has worked for your toddler?

Sophie turns TWO

Whoops...guess I've been busy or neglectful. Better start bloggin'

Yesterday was Sophie's Second Birthday. We've been celebrating her birthday for about a month now. We had the "official" party in Ohio in March. This past weekend we went to the Udvar-Hazy Center which is an extension of The National Air and Space Museum. Sophie is all about "panes" and things that fly so the museum was a perfect place to spend the day. She loved looking at all of the planes and helicopters.

Tuesday, April 20, her actual birthday was full of sugar. I took the krispiest Rice Krispie treats to work to share with my co-workers, sent Sophie to daycare with chocolate suckers to share with her crew, and rushed home from work to make cupcakes. Her birthday will always include Rice Krispie treats because they are literally the first thing I ate after delivering Sophie. Mom had brought some to the hospital for sustenance through the night/day, and while the nurses were still cleaning me up I asked if I could eat something and when she said yes I demanded a Rice Krispie treat from mom!

We went to watch "ball pole" (a.k.a. lacrosse) and then out to dinner. Bedtime for everyone came about 9:30p.m. Needless to say I was exhausted.

This evening we did cupcakes and presents and will open even more later this week when care packages arrive from North Carolina. It's the birthday that will never end!

In the course of one year Sophie has learned to:
Stand
Walk
Run
Talk
Potty train (well, sorta-that post comes tomorrow)
Sit at the table (okay-kneel or stand) sans high chair

She says: Mama, Papa, Doodle, chair, table, dinner, blue blue (blueberries), tee (teeth), chee (cheese), night night, pane (plane), ball poll, shoe, boot, baby, geen (green, her blanket) and a variety of other words. Just this weekend started putting two words together like No, Papa. Not in a scolding way but a factual way as in Papa isn't here.

She is about 35" and 35lbs. Loves to give hugs and kisses and hates separating from us to go to bed. Here is a year in review in pictures.

Sophie Smiles

I love Hall & Oats. I don't own any of their albums but anytime I hear one of their songs and realize who it is I realize I love Hall & Oats. Country singer, Jimmy Wayne, has recently covered
"Sara Smiles" by Hall & Oats. In my head though, I've changed the lyric to Sophie Smiles...

Sarah Smiles by Hall & Oats

Baby hair with a woman's eyes
I can feel you're watching in the night
All alone with me and we're waiting for the sunlight
When I feel cold, you warm me
And when I feel I can't go on, you come and hold me
It's you... And me forever

Sara Smile
Won't you smile a while for me
Sara

Language Acquisition

In college I took several hours in Linguistics. I actually took enough hours to get a certificate in linguistics but unfortunately it was before the program was a certified certification program so no gold star on my transcript or diploma for that! All that sentence diagramming for nothing!

I love learning about language and how our words are shaped and why our words are what they are. Often when I'm daydreaming I'll think about different words and what they really mean. Refrigerator has always held a particularly interesting spot in my brain. Some days it just sounds so weird to me. Re-fridge-er-a-tor. Weird. I wonder why we call the refrigerator a refrigerator and not a clock. Why a desk is called a desk...and on and on.

So as Sophie learns new words and meanings for things I am amazed at her language acquisition skills. One day she can only point to what she wants and the next day she has a word for it. For example our after bath routine usually includes Jean Nate (3 syllables Jean Na Te) after bath splash which I roll off my tongue with my best french accent. To Sophie this became "nah nah nah." She can correctly say and identify a car, train, and plane but mistakenly calls all trucks and motorcycles Trains or choo choos.

What is frustrating in this new phase of "semantic development" are the words I can't yet identify. Last night she kept saying "goo goo"-perhaps for the noodles I was preparing? But when I pointed to the noodles that didn't satisfy her need for me to understand "goo goo." On the drive home today she stumped me with "halla." Like she was saying "holla back..." Again, no clue. There are often times I have to ask for a definition from Phillip on new words but he doesn't have answers either.

So each day we will continue to learn and break her codes. For now though, I'll say "ni ni." Sophiease for "night, night."

Sophie the Hippie

If someone says the word “hippie” certain images come to mind. According to the all knowing online resource, Wikipedia, hippies are described as “women wore jeans and maintained long hair,[68] and both genders wore sandals or went barefoot.[37] Men often wore beards,[69] while women wore little or no makeup.” A free lifestyle, living off the earth, using recycled goods, and even “dumpster diving” are also associated with being a hippie in this day and age.

And Sophia is among them.

Let’s start with her birthday: April 20. 4/20. Yup. A day celebrated by those who enjoy recreational marijuana. A big part of the hippie movement. Now, she doesn’t and hopefully won’t ever partake in this activity but when we tell our contemporaries her birth date they smile and give a little chuckle. And ask to pass the Doritos.

Feet: Sophie hates wearing socks and shoes. Although she was very excited about her new sparkly white Easter shoes and didn’t want to take them off for bedtime, she inevitably takes shoes and socks off in the car when we go anywhere and takes them off promptly upon coming inside.She much prefers to be barefoot.

Hair: growing slowly but wildly. Hardly enough to put in pig tails and doesn’t get brushed or combed out each day because there really isn’t enough to properly brush or comb. Sometimes after a particular tossy turny night or nap her hair is a mess and there is no fixing it. And nappy like unkempt dreads.

Makeup: well she is only 24 months old so no makeup.

Dumpster Diving: Really this is the crux of this story. Prior to Sophie and Phillip returning home yesterday I cleaned out my car-used Kleenex due to the onslaught of spring allergies, part of a newspaper, straw wrapper, stray jelly beans from Sunday’s Church Easter Egg hunt. I recycled the newspaper and put the rest of the debris in the trashcan. After dinner while getting something from my wallet I realized the Easter Bunny forgot to put something in the Easter baskets-scratch off lotto tickets! So we all scratched our tickets, Phillip won $2, and I instructed Sophie to “blah” (i.e. throw away, yucky, blah) the dud tickets. She obliged. Then I have her walk to her bedroom to get her diaper changed. I realize she is eating something.
“Sophie are you eating something?”
“Yea.”
“Open your mouth.”

Hmmm what is she eating?

“Sophie, open your mouth again.” I go in for the smell test. Smells like pineapple and is white and gummy. I quickly rewind and recall throwing away the jelly beans, Sophie “blahing” the lotto tickets…and picking out of the GARBAGE a rogue jelly bean.

EWWW…Hippie.

Can't a mama get a break?

We must be entering the terrible twos around here. And not the terrific twos as my sister called them the other day-you don't hit the terrific twos until you turn 21.

Just when I thought we had the bedtime thing figured out Sophie moved onto the next manic fit in the book-bath time. She used to LOVE bath time. Bubbles, splashing, toys, sticky letters, and "nah nah nah" afterward (just like my gramma used to give my sister and I when we would visit.) But this week it is standing up, not wanting to sit down, full on tears and hysterics and "MAMA, MAMA, MAMA!" as I try to bathe her.

I don't know if it was too many bubbles or the sound of the water but something has changed and bath time went from delightful to devilish.

And to top it off, she tosses in some bedtime fits too.

The Joys of Parenting No. 1

Two weeks ago we traveled to Ohio for Spring Break and for my annual girls weekend. The husband, daughter, and dog got some quality time with the in-laws/grandparents. It is never long enough and always jam packed with activities and comings and going but always enjoyable.

Girls weekend took place two hours away from my parents and began on Friday afternoon. Early evening on Saturday I get a call from my husband. "When is the last time Sophie pooped?" Hmmm. Let me set down my glass of wine and think about this. I think back and respond "I haven't changed a dirty diaper since we got to town, have you? You were home with her Monday and Tuesday, did you change a dirty diaper then?" We both came to the conclusion that she had indeed not soiled a diaper in many days.

I was both relieved and concerned. Relived that her uber crankiness for a lot of the visit was not because she was homesick, didn't like her aunts and grandparents, or because she didn't like all the space at my parent's home. Concerned that she was uber cranky, uncomfortable and constipated.

She did this when she was nursing-not poop for days-and it freaked me out. It was unnatural. But my doctor reassured me that some kids just process the breastmilk so efficiently that there is nothing to eliminate. This was not the case now. Feeling helpless I spoke with Sophie's doctor and relayed the message to my husband. He went to get some medication from CVS and spend a lot of the night holding and snuggling a cranky baby and meanwhile not getting much sleep.

The drive home was not easy. Sophie was still stopped up and sitting for 7 hours in a car seat was not fun. Once we arrived home we made a pit stop at the CVS. We had to take action into our own hands-liquid suppositories. Ewww, yuck.

"Have child lay on left side with knees pulled gently to chest."....there was nothing gentle about this throw down. I had to go for the "let's get this done and over approach."

Less than 5 minutes later, relief.

We have added even more whole grains and greens to her diet. I never want to do that again.

The Human Condition

What is it about the human condition that makes us so vulnerable? So willing to believe or hope or feel something that is really so abstract? As you have read I have been following the story of Layla Grace the past few weeks and since I discovered her website I have been hooked. Not because I like to cry or need to know about the awful cancer she has (neuroblastoma) but something deep inside me poked at my brain and heart everyday and I had to check the Twitter feed or blog to see if there was new news. I tried to "forget" I had ever found the website but I found myself thinking about her and her family all the time. I have known several people that have had cancer and subsequently died and as awful as it was I was able to make some sense of it. I guess because all the people I know that have died because of cancer have been adults.

As I sat at my desk working on Wednesday and I checked Twitter late in the afternoon there was finally an update from Layla Grace. It said she had "gone to play with the angels early that morning." My heart sank and rejoyced at the same time. I was suddenly very distracted from my work-deeply sad that this little girl had not overcome her demons and she left behind her two sisters and parents and a world full of supporters. Glad that she was no longer in pain and her parents didn't have to see her in pain any more.

Her life will be celebrated this Saturday. I know a lot of her followers will go by the wayside and the family will be left to deal with their grief in private. I think I will always think back on Layla Grace. Her story has moved me so much. I hug Sophie a little tighter, let her play a little longer and try not to let the little things get in the way. I made a gift to St. Jude today as part of the WMZQ/Country Cares St. Jude Radiothon and a gift to LaylaGrace.org. Hopefully one day I won't get wound up in such a sad story because there won't be a sad story to tell.

Have fun playing with the angels Layla Grace.

Praying for Layla Grace

About two weeks ago I was on The Bump and came across a post. What intrigued me wasn't the subject necessarily but that fact that 200+ people had read the post. I can't even recall what the subject was but once I too read the post, the cryptic "have you heard from Shanna" or "I can't believe it" replies I had to dig deeper to figure out what they were talking about. I eventually found the original thread and link to Layla Grace. Ever since then I can't turn away, can't read enough, and can't say enough prayers.

I don't know Layla Grace and her family. I will never know them personally but I have been praying for this little girl and her family everyday since I found her website. Layla Grace is nearly 2 (she must be an April baby b/c somewhere recently I read she was 22 mos. old-same as my Sophie) and she has stage 4 Neuroblastoma. An incredibly common form of childhood cancer and one that will most likely take Layla from this Earth.

What I find most compelling about her story is how Social Media has allowed her parents to share her story with the world. They don't share this extremely difficult situation for pity or empathy but to educate other parents about the warning signs and early detection. They started their Twitter feed as an easy way to communicate about Layla's progress because always having to actually talk about it was so difficult. Layla's mom, Shanna, was recently on Ryan Seacrest's afternoon radio program and her dad, Ryan, spoke on a local Houston radio station this week. A boutique store by the same name but spelled differently, Layla Grayce, is donating $1 to Layla Grace for every new Facebook fan they get today. By the way, this morning they had 5,000+ fans, when I became a fan around 12:30 p.m. they had over 8,000! This is the power of social media.

Shanna recently wrote in a post:

"I take comfort in a few things. First, I know there are angels watching over her. I know they are sitting right beside her; that she is never alone. Her angels will usher her into heaven. Second, I know her death will not be in vain. She has done what God sent her here to do. She has gone above and beyond. I receive hundreds and hundreds of emails every day from people telling me their faith is stronger because of her. She has managed to do more Godly works in her short 2 years on earth than most people do in 80."

Because Layla's story has been all over the intenet and other news outlets literally People all over the world are praying for this sweet girl and her family.

I feel so selfish when I post things about Sophie not sleeping or throwing a fit over Elmo when this family wishes their daughter wouldn't sleep most of the day, wants to be awake watching Elmo and playing with her sisters, getting in her parents way as they clean the house. I'm not perfect-far from it-and I do get frustrated at the smallest inconveniences-but I have reflected a lot on Layla's story and I am trying to remember not to sweat the small stuff and enjoy everyday because you never know what tomorrow may bring.

Shhh She's sleeping

Due to the rotation of the Earth and Daylight Saving Time not yet upon us the sun woke me up naturally at 7 am this morning. I love 7 am. It is the most perfect hour in which to wake-not too early, not too late. Too bad it will be all wonky next weekend. But while Sophie sleeps a little more I'm going to indulge in the quiet, the internet and my coffee.
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Sleep Update: She is still having fits when we put her down at night. I've done a lot of what everyone has suggested: lavender room spray, staying out of our room as much as possible, a little more reading and cuddling right before putting her down, you name it-I've tried it. The fits are getting shorter but they break my heart nonetheless. She also wakes at least once a night but I have just let her cry it out and go back to sleep. We did compromise on a "big girl bed" in which we put a pillow in the bed with her. She seems to like that a lot. I'm not ready for the full transition-I don't want her to be staring at me at the foot of my bed at 2am just yet!
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I would walk 10,000 miles. Since the weather is finally moving from blizzard conditions to bearable we took a walk yesterday afternoon. I had dinner in the oven andwaiting on Comcast to check out our intermittent at a best signal so we could only walk to the end of the street. This was the first "real" walk Sophie has ever been on (sans stroller.) It is about 1/4 mile in distance. We got to the end of the street and turned around to come back and Sophie had a melt down. She wanted to keep walking but definitely not back towards home. She kept pointing across the street for more. I eventually had to just pick her up kicking and screaming and carry her back. All I could do was laugh. I pictured the opposite happening the whole time...not wanting to go on the walk at all. When we returned home we let Phillip go check on dinner and Sophie and I meandered up a different street. When the turn around came she had a temper tantrum again. I guess the endurance is good...maybe our next walk will be enough to make her go right to sleep!
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Time out. After the walk and before dinner she was in a foul mood. She was begging for Elmo.We sometimes watch all Sesame Street has to offer on YouTube and yesterday she wasn't content with my selections and then I had to get dinner on the table. So when we turned the computer off she was NOT a happy camper. Phillip decided it was time for a time out. (Mommy had time out too, Cab/Shiraz by Jacob's Creek.) And you know what-it worked. She sat in her chair in the corner of the kitchen and didn't move. She cried, she settled down, we all felt better.
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I want another kid after all this?
Phillip and I have been talking about when we will have another bun in the oven. After dealing with Sophie's melt downs over Elmo or learning not to throw and her bed time fits I sometimes find myself questioning why? Why do this all over again? Can I handle a toddler and an infant both crying, both needing completely different things? On top of being exhausted during and after pregnancy? Then I think of my parents who did this FIVE times! And I realize why they both like to drink wine and cocktails! Or my brother and sister-in-law who have three kids and have worked through some very difficult times or hell people who have had twins! So, tell me...how do you get through the hard spots to be delirious enough to go for two?

Dads are great

Dads are great. They provide balance in the family unit.

Moms: safety
Dads: reckless fun

Moms: moderation
Dads: excess

Moms: rules
Dads: breaking or bending rules

You get the point. I know first handed that Dads are great...because I have a great Dad. I can vividly remember many Friday or/and Saturday evenings when my sisters and I would snuggle up to Dad, stick our lips out, give our best puppy dog eyes and ask "Daddy, can we please get some Dairy Queen? (or TCBY, before they sucked). Please Daddy. And 9 times out of 10 we were in the car on the way.

Dads always give you an extra $5 or $10 spending money and don't mind picking up a round of drinks in celebration...well in celebration of anything! Maybe it's a father/daughter thing but Dads always seem to go a little farther, do a little more when there daughter is concerned.

I witnessed this first hand tonight during bath time. I did the dishes, Phillip gave Sophie a bath. About midway through bath time, he hollars "Why do bubbles always get bigger the longer they sit?" It isn't that they get bigger the longer you leave them but the more you agitate them. Sophie was in a pool of luxurious bubbles. Smothered by thousands of tiny bubbles and loving every minute of it. I picked up the bottle of bubbles and laughed- it is nearly 3/4 empty and last night when I poured the bubble bath the bottle was about 1/4 empty. "Well, it didn't seem like they were doing anything."

And that is just one reason Dads are great...the indulge their little princesses in luxurious bubble baths.

Follow up to Night Night

"Good, you've pinpointed it. Step two is washing it out."-Tommy Boy

Well we don't have to wash it out but we do need to figure out the solution to the problem. I think the issue with Sophie not wanting to go night night is that she doesn't want to go to sleep in her bed. While gathering up her items for sleep tonight she was laying on our bed and said "night night" like she meant it. I then picked her up and she fought me to get out of my arms. The crying and screaming started immediately on the walk across the hall to her room.

We haven't really ever been co-sleepers. When she was an infant she had only slept with us occasionally and that was usually in the middle of the night when she would NOT go back to sleep. Lately when she has seemed to wake in the middle of the night particularly distressed I let her snuggle with us but she never falls back asleep and just plays with my nose and mouth so I eventually put her back in her bed.

I guess wanting to go night night in our bed is just so she can be with us. But I need my beauty sleep so that's not going to happen if sleeping in our bed becomes a new habit. I wonder if it's time to upgrade to a big girl bed so she feels the same level of comfort she has in our bed? Hmmm What do you think the solution is?